Adoption: Adoption Assistance helpful hints

As foster care for these three children is coming to a close and the adoption is about to be final I got the call to do the adoption assistance.  I am not a pro at this by any means and now that this is my second adoption I still feel very nervous when coming up with numbers.  I still have so much to learn.

Who ever sits behind the desk at DHS and does this adoption assistance -- they have them there for a reason.  Adoption Assistance is a negotiated amount and you need to agree on the numbers that you are coming up with.  The lady who works for DHS out of Salem has been there for quiet sometime.  I remember her when we were going through our first adoption 1 1/2 years ago.  She knows what she is doing which can be very intimidating and she is very good at it.

I have two children that had a cans assessment of 1 so that is an extra 212.00 each.  However one of them expired a week before the worker called me.  I think that was what they wanted to happen and that is why it took awhile for me to hear from them.  If you look at it from their end there are thousands of children they need to supply money for each month so any way they can cut a corner they are going to do it.  So I am not resentful at all but just thankful for our ending numbers.

Here are the things that you can calculate in: These are estimate figures--

Clothes/Shoes ------     $85.00 (5 &6 year old)                        $100.00 (14 year old)

Food                            $100.00                                               $200.00 (diabetic)

Hair appointments       $12.00                                                 $12.00

Toiletries (essentials)   $45.00                                                 $60.00

Utilities                       $60.00                                                 $60.00

Dance classes              $50.00                                                 $75.00

School Supplies           $50.00                                                 $75.00

Summer camps            $150.00                                               $150.00

Piano Lessons             $75.00                                                 $75.00

They are very positive when it comes to activities.  Even if the kids are not enrolled at the time but you plan on enrolling them -- make sure you write it down.  These are just some of the things they will consider.  If you vacation a lot make sure you write that down or if you snowmobile they will need special clothing for this.  You cannot get more than what they were getting in foster care however you can come close.  If you are in Oregon they try to aim for 1/2 or a little more of what you were getting.  If you don't say the right words that they are looking for they are not going to give you what you ask and they will talk you down.  Between the three we lost about $500.00.  For that I am thankful it was not more!

Adoption-- Potty Training

Little M (5 yrs) and Little K (6 yrs) are doing well.  1 1/2 years later we are still dealing with potty training issues with Little K who is now 6 years old. When I first got the little ones Little K and Little M were in pull ups full time.  Once I did the "boy pull up" thing (see earlier post) Little M never pottied her pants again -- except when it was truly an accident.  However Little K is very defiant and has her own agenda.

A while back I tried this reward system with Little K.  I filled a jar of marbles and I also had an empty jar.  Every time she went potty she got a marble placed in the empty jar.  Once all the marbles were transferred we would take a special trip to MC DONALD'S just her and I and a special friend (that a big deal for our family)! However this lasted not long because she would do really good for 3 days and then she would potty her pants all that day and usually this lasted for 3 days and then she would get back on track.  So then I decided to do an immediate gratification treat.  This has worked!!! I filled a jar of M & M's.  Every time she goes potty she gets 1 M&M.  She will do really good for 2 weeks or so and then she will potty her pants for one whole day maybe even the next but I am enjoying the no pottied clothes!! I am noticing that the time of no pottied pants are getting farther and farther apart.  I do not put her in pulls at all because she that is almost a guarantee that she will potty.  I already do 17 loads of laundry a week.  I don't need any more!!

M&M Reward

I hope this helps other parents who are struggling in this same way!!  I know it can be frustrating. With this post I do need to say -- I would NEVER be to drastic if I knew this was medical problem or a mental problem. Little K would always wake up dry from sleeping all night and also after nap time.  Her wetting occurs when she is playing and wide awake. Each child is different so please take that into consideration. 

Blessings!!!

Adoption -- Its Been Awhile!

I hope everyone is doing well.  It has been some time since I wrote anything but I just wanted to catch you up on the latest.  The three girls have been with us now for 1 1/2 years.  Yes it is amazing how time flies.  Looking back I can remember being so scared going into uncharted territories for us as a family.  We had already adopted two children the year before and I can remember just praying that we did the right thing. Taking on 2 little ones plus an almost 14 year old girl was scary!! You hear horror stories and pray your family would not be added to the statics.   However the Lord covered us and he is forever our life line and our comforter when things arn't so pretty.

Miss J asked us last year after spending 6 weeks in public school if I can home school her on Connections Academy. At that time I was already homeschooling my two boys.  So Miss J and Alicia decided to drop out of the public school and stay home and do Connections.  That was a very pivotal moment.  It took the drama out of the everyday life at school and both of them were able to work on past stuff and both of them became stronger people and their relationship with the Lord exploded into something beautiful. 

This year both older girls have decided that they do want to try to go back to public school.  I am very nervous however I do believe their faith and their morals will shine through and they will do fine.  I will continue to home school my two boys.  The two little one will attend the elementary school here. 

Both parents rights have been terminated so they are all legally free. Things are moving along and its picking up speed.  Now that this is our second adoption I am catching on to how things work.  At first it seems so slow!! Poky poky slow!! Its almost like a roller coaster as its climbing the hill before your about to crest the top.  Once it gets to the top its off and running.  You just need to hang on!