Adoption: Adoption Assistance helpful hints

As foster care for these three children is coming to a close and the adoption is about to be final I got the call to do the adoption assistance.  I am not a pro at this by any means and now that this is my second adoption I still feel very nervous when coming up with numbers.  I still have so much to learn.

Who ever sits behind the desk at DHS and does this adoption assistance -- they have them there for a reason.  Adoption Assistance is a negotiated amount and you need to agree on the numbers that you are coming up with.  The lady who works for DHS out of Salem has been there for quiet sometime.  I remember her when we were going through our first adoption 1 1/2 years ago.  She knows what she is doing which can be very intimidating and she is very good at it.

I have two children that had a cans assessment of 1 so that is an extra 212.00 each.  However one of them expired a week before the worker called me.  I think that was what they wanted to happen and that is why it took awhile for me to hear from them.  If you look at it from their end there are thousands of children they need to supply money for each month so any way they can cut a corner they are going to do it.  So I am not resentful at all but just thankful for our ending numbers.

Here are the things that you can calculate in: These are estimate figures--

Clothes/Shoes ------     $85.00 (5 &6 year old)                        $100.00 (14 year old)

Food                            $100.00                                               $200.00 (diabetic)

Hair appointments       $12.00                                                 $12.00

Toiletries (essentials)   $45.00                                                 $60.00

Utilities                       $60.00                                                 $60.00

Dance classes              $50.00                                                 $75.00

School Supplies           $50.00                                                 $75.00

Summer camps            $150.00                                               $150.00

Piano Lessons             $75.00                                                 $75.00

They are very positive when it comes to activities.  Even if the kids are not enrolled at the time but you plan on enrolling them -- make sure you write it down.  These are just some of the things they will consider.  If you vacation a lot make sure you write that down or if you snowmobile they will need special clothing for this.  You cannot get more than what they were getting in foster care however you can come close.  If you are in Oregon they try to aim for 1/2 or a little more of what you were getting.  If you don't say the right words that they are looking for they are not going to give you what you ask and they will talk you down.  Between the three we lost about $500.00.  For that I am thankful it was not more!

Adoption-- Potty Training

Little M (5 yrs) and Little K (6 yrs) are doing well.  1 1/2 years later we are still dealing with potty training issues with Little K who is now 6 years old. When I first got the little ones Little K and Little M were in pull ups full time.  Once I did the "boy pull up" thing (see earlier post) Little M never pottied her pants again -- except when it was truly an accident.  However Little K is very defiant and has her own agenda.

A while back I tried this reward system with Little K.  I filled a jar of marbles and I also had an empty jar.  Every time she went potty she got a marble placed in the empty jar.  Once all the marbles were transferred we would take a special trip to MC DONALD'S just her and I and a special friend (that a big deal for our family)! However this lasted not long because she would do really good for 3 days and then she would potty her pants all that day and usually this lasted for 3 days and then she would get back on track.  So then I decided to do an immediate gratification treat.  This has worked!!! I filled a jar of M & M's.  Every time she goes potty she gets 1 M&M.  She will do really good for 2 weeks or so and then she will potty her pants for one whole day maybe even the next but I am enjoying the no pottied clothes!! I am noticing that the time of no pottied pants are getting farther and farther apart.  I do not put her in pulls at all because she that is almost a guarantee that she will potty.  I already do 17 loads of laundry a week.  I don't need any more!!

M&M Reward

I hope this helps other parents who are struggling in this same way!!  I know it can be frustrating. With this post I do need to say -- I would NEVER be to drastic if I knew this was medical problem or a mental problem. Little K would always wake up dry from sleeping all night and also after nap time.  Her wetting occurs when she is playing and wide awake. Each child is different so please take that into consideration. 

Blessings!!!

Adoption -- Its Been Awhile!

I hope everyone is doing well.  It has been some time since I wrote anything but I just wanted to catch you up on the latest.  The three girls have been with us now for 1 1/2 years.  Yes it is amazing how time flies.  Looking back I can remember being so scared going into uncharted territories for us as a family.  We had already adopted two children the year before and I can remember just praying that we did the right thing. Taking on 2 little ones plus an almost 14 year old girl was scary!! You hear horror stories and pray your family would not be added to the statics.   However the Lord covered us and he is forever our life line and our comforter when things arn't so pretty.

Miss J asked us last year after spending 6 weeks in public school if I can home school her on Connections Academy. At that time I was already homeschooling my two boys.  So Miss J and Alicia decided to drop out of the public school and stay home and do Connections.  That was a very pivotal moment.  It took the drama out of the everyday life at school and both of them were able to work on past stuff and both of them became stronger people and their relationship with the Lord exploded into something beautiful. 

This year both older girls have decided that they do want to try to go back to public school.  I am very nervous however I do believe their faith and their morals will shine through and they will do fine.  I will continue to home school my two boys.  The two little one will attend the elementary school here. 

Both parents rights have been terminated so they are all legally free. Things are moving along and its picking up speed.  Now that this is our second adoption I am catching on to how things work.  At first it seems so slow!! Poky poky slow!! Its almost like a roller coaster as its climbing the hill before your about to crest the top.  Once it gets to the top its off and running.  You just need to hang on!

Foster Care -- My Heart Breaks For These Children!!



I LOVE LOVE this quote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so true!!!

I found out today that we almost got a call to see if we would take in a 14 year old girl.  No one wants her because of her age.  The case worker wanted to give us a call to see if we could take her in temporarily until they found a home for her however our case worker said that they don't want to overwhelm us.  We have two 14 year old girls and a 13 year old boy that we have taken in and they are wonderful kids.  Yes they have their issues but don't we all?  Even our bio children can have major issues.  Evidently she is bi polar and has ADHD.  This poor girl just got rejected from her relative placement in Arizona and reluctantly was allowed at this other home only for the weekend.  The foster home that took her said she MUST be gone in two days before even meeting her. I found out today that they sent her to a treatment home. Our own Miss J was in a treatment home.  That does not mean they are horrible kids! Even if she is suicidal -- Maybe I would be too if I had been rejected by everyone that I know.  Rejected by the parents who gave birth to me.  Now even the people who don't know me won't even give me a chance to prove myself.  Its no wonder she is having trouble coping!

I learned about this girl on my trip up North that I took with our case worker. She said this girl wanted to make a good impression on the new foster family so they stopped at the dollar store. She had $2.00 to her name so she bought them something as a gift when she first met them.

The case worker said that she showed up at the office today and the girl didn't understand why she was there.  The case worker had been out sick so she wasn't filled in either. The case worker soon found out about the treatment home.  That is just a temporary home where kids go to get help until they can return to their home.  Since our own Miss J was in one I would go up to see her once a week and that place scared me!  You have all sorts of kids in there.  Alot of them are bullies and gang members, kids who are addicted to drugs, kids who cut themselves ---They have councelors on hand 24/7 to help each kids with what ever issue they are dealing with.  I just wanted Miss J to come home because she did not belong with those rough kids.  Anyway -- I found out that a secured transportation unit was the only ones they could find to transport her there.  When ever they transport kids to a treatment home they have to be handcuffed.  This poor girl had to be handcuffed and placed in this car.   I literally cried all the way home. 

When the case worker told me this I was in awe! My heart broke into for her.  I told my husband when he came home.  He was equally upset! He said "If he would have known this he would have come home from work and transported her himself!"  I love this man!! He wants her to come here.  I want her to come here.  My kids want her too!  Call us crazy -- its okay.  I do have alot of questions about her.  I would need to know more but what I do know as of now -- I have a peace about her.  How do kids get better when they are constantly rejected, bounced from home to home and are so worried about where they are going to end up?

I did put in an email to our worker to inquire about her however we will not pry open any doors that are meant to be closed.  This is now in the Lords hands.

Looking back on where we began this journey -- so scared about what child we might get or what we might go though.  And looking to where we are today -- all I can say is the Lord is so good!! We now are more confident that we can make a difference in a child's life.  We have proof with the 5 we brought in to our home.  All they need is unconditional love and a stable home.  This we can provide!! I LOVE what I do and as of now looking forward this is what I want to do until the Lord tells me otherwise.  I have never felt so at peace at what I do for a living until the Lord opened our eyes to foster care and adoption.  Thank your Jesus for being our guide in all we do!!

Adoption: Pt 2!!! Big news and one step one closer!!

We got the notice yesterday that........drum roll please............................WE ARE THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY.  We are the only ones that will be concidered for these children.  Praise the Lord. 

Thanks for your prayers!!!

Adoption: Getting Closer By The Day Pt 1

We had a huge day yesterday.  We had a meeting where they are making a judgment call as to how many families would be trying to adopt our children.  I am glad I could walk out of that office feeling extremely confident.  Those that attended the meeting were three managers from DHS who were on the committee, along with the case worker, the CASA worker and the foster care certifier.  My husband and I had to tell them why we felt these children should be placed with us and no one else. That was scary.  This could down hill in a hurry if I don't use my best words and say what they want me to say.  These are my babies.  I have to tell them why I feel my babies should stay with me and know one else?  Praise the Lord we had three people there that knew us really well.  The DHS worker initiated the meeting stating that we have a significant relationship with the children.  Their lives are on the lines and we have one shot.  This meeting cannot be rescheduled if we dont make a GREAT impressions. 

 

There are 3 options that could happen:

1)  The committee choose two other families to try for these children.

2)  We are out of the pool to try to adopt these kids.  We would foster until the right family comes along.

3)  We are the only ones who can adopt these children.  Our family comes before any other relatives-- in case one comes out of the wood work.

 

My husband and I both spoke and they asked us tons of questions.  Based on the kids we have and each ones situation, it would be awful on DHS part for them to take them out of our home.  As far as the 4 and 6 year old -- I think they have never given it a second thought that they might be leaving.  Honestly this would rip my heart out but I would be more concerned at the state of the children (those who are ours and those who we foster).  They have 5 business days to get back to us on their decision.  If I am nervous at all -- it is because another human can make that call -- someone who does not know us.  However, the Lord put this jouney on our hearts and he will lead the way and be with those who are in authority.  He is forever faithful and for that I trust in HIM to speak to the people who we met with yesterday.

 So please say a prayer...........................

 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.  Eph 6:12

MUST READ!!! A Letter Written By Miss J To Her Drug Addicted Mother

Miss J shared these words with me the other night.  She was gracious enough to let me put this on my blog.  I hope you are touched as much as I am.  I love this girl!!!!!!!!  She is amazing and has a talent for words.  I wish all the drug addicts out there could see what they are doing to their children! Miss J remembers back when she was 10 years old and her mom was clean.

 

Please read to the end. 

 

(There is a picture that goes with this letter however she is not ready to post it at this time).  This is a ten year old..... The woman next to her is known as a drug addict.....And believe it or not, this is one of the first times in her whole life since age 13 that she is actually clean from meth, marijuana, crack and every other drug....Today she is hated by almost all of her family... the only one who forgave her and still deeply loves her , is her 10 year old daughter that she has emotionally abused since birth....Although her daughter has forgiven her.. they have not spoken to each other for over a year... She is a woman who walked in and out of her children's lives many times, and finally she has given up...She is broken...torn....corrupt....hurt....lost....fearful....and embarrassing...because of these things her daughter is to ashamed to accept her as a mother....Her daughter loves her mom very much...But since the monster took over who she used to call mommy....There never will be a mother daughter relationship in this broken bond....This woman's true self is dead, gone and shattered...This woman is my mother....

 

Drugs may not always kill the actual human body, but it will destroy, break and kill the soul...And possibly scar the ones who never even had a chance to take a breath into the world....Don't give me sympathy just read and stay away from the monster that took my mom.....

 

 

Sincerely,

Miss J