Adoption: Kids Want Your Time

 I will be first to tell you that I am not writing this as to give anyone expert advice.  I am writing this because this is an area that I need to drastically improve.  I know I can do better.   Many of you know we have a large family.  One of the things that have been pressing up on my mind is to establish strong relationships with in our home.  Not only the relationship with the siblings but also with me and my children.  I am forever trying to hone in on things that are a miss.  I am constantly tightening down the hatches when I see things that need improving in the running of my home. Some call me an organizer however just between you and me I also have a messy streak that drives me crazy!! I can list plenty examples but then that would really make me look bad. :)

Believe it or not ALL my kids are always asking me -- "Mom, I want special time with you".  Can you believe that? Sad to say it is usually right when I am in the middle of making dinner for the family or when I am in the middle of paying bills they tell me they want time. Most of the times I am left with guilt of saying "not now".  However this really has spurred me to figure something out!!

Not to long ago I had to take one of my foster kidos up to Portland to the CDRC (Child Development Rehabilitation Center).  One of the therapist told me that it is imperative that I carve out special times with each one of my children. It would be tough since I have 6 children under my roof but it can be done.  It does not have to be every day but I do need to make it a priority.  For the little girls ages (5 and 6) She said take 20 minutes and set a timer.  Let them know on this day and time that you will have our special time.  You play what ever that child wants to play within reason and as long as it is safe.  Even if my little girls wants me to play the husband (as long as there is no kissing and things like that) I am to do it. They will have so much FUN!!!

I have been surfing the web for things to do.  This link says its for girls however there are tons of things to do with boys too. Check out the link Things To Do with Kids (Pinterest). There are tons of things on the web that you can find if you can't think of anything. Here are some fun things that I plan on doing with the little ones.  *play house *tea party *paint nails *read books *take a walk *ice cream at McDonalds *snuggle time *pick flowers -- There are tons to do that doesn't cost a dime (except for McD's) -- just time. I thinking of doing this once a week.

The older ones I was going to give one hour of  individual time.  For our schedule I am thinking about having each child pick one day a month maybe two-Tuesday or Thursday.  Those two days of the week seem to be the only down times in our schedule right now. With my four older ones I can picture them wanting to go to *dairy queen and talk *dutch brothers and talk * bike ride *go to the mall or something else they request.  I am always thinking low cost.  The other day I took my two girls to the mall.  I had a small amount of cash on me.  I am trying desperately to only use cash these days and not the debit card. I told them "Okay you can have $7.50 each".  Ha!! I know funny huh!! We went into Debs and was looking through the clearance rack and one of my daughters found 3 shirts that came to $7.00.  My other daughter is not much of a shopper but she found 1 shirt for $2.50!! They had the best time.  I can't really picture my boys doing this so we will have to do something else. I know they will want to me play video games or work on a puzzle with them. Now that I am talking about this I think I am going to like this!!!  Also---Don't forget about family time!! I am also going to designate a week night to play a board game!!  Memories in the making!!!  Who's with me?

What are somethings that you all do?  A lot of people are reading this blog and I am sure they need some suggestions as well as myself.  So please share in the comment section!!!!

Blessings!!!

Monster Cookies for Hungry Kids

With three of my kids away at school and three kids here at the house I decided to whip out my mixer and make some Monster Cookies.  This will make for some happy kids when they come home.  My husband will be one happy camper too!  I am not much a baker however I love the thought of cooking!! Does this count?  At least you know as long as I just "think" about it I won't burn anything or dirty any dishes!!   Anyway -- lately I have been in the kitchen a lot trying out different recipes.  I love the Pioneer Woman! If you haven't heard of her -- look her up!! She makes some down to earth recipes.  My littles call her the "Pineapple Woman".  I always get a huge smile on my face every time they ask "mom can we watch the Pineapple woman?  So funny!!

Here is the recipe.  I usually double almost every recipe I use because of the size of my family.  I cannot believe how easy this one is. The anticipation of pulling these out of the oven is indescribable!!!

MONSTER COOKIES

1/2 stick butter (room temp)
1/2 C light brown sugar
1/4 C Sugar
3/4 C Creamy peanut butter
1 egg
1 tsp Vanilla
1/2 tsp Baking soda
1 1/4 C flour
1/2 C quick oats
3/4 C M&M's
1/2 C Chocolate Chips

Preheat oven at 350* Stir together butter and sugars then add your peanut butter. Mix in your egg and vanilla.  Slowly mix in baking soda and flour.  Then add your quick oats, M&M's and Chocolate chips. Cook for 10 minutes maybe a little longer depends on how thick and big you make them. (I didn't have any M&M's so I just measured 3/4 C more of chocolate chips and they were great!!) Enjoy!!!

School Is Here!!

Today is the beginning of yet another school year! WOW! Is summer break over all ready?  The kids are excited to start however I know that that excitement will not last long.  This years funds are extremely short so we had to really shop on a budget.  Somehow we were able to get all kids school clothes with the help of major sales happening and a blessed woman donated some gorgeous clothes to my older girls!! Thank you Lord for that!!

In our new house we have a pantry.  It’s a small room built off of the garage.   I decided to claim a couple shelves for school supplies.  It seemed that when the supplies were available to the children they would get a new spiral notebook weekly and pencils were gone before you knew it! Things were just picked though leaving just a few items where I would need to replace them often.  I am still finding half used or barley used spiral notebooks from last year.  This time it will be a little different.  The rule of the pantry is….no kids allowed in the pantry unless mom or dad sends them in there for something.  This really helps keep things from disappearing and I have a better idea of what is in there since it is mainly myself who gets items out or sends kids in for something.

School Supply Shelves In My Pantry

The other day I took kids out to the pantry two at a time and we went school shopping.  They told me what they needed and 9 times out of 10 it was there.  I think for my high school girls there were only about 2 or so more items that they needed from the store.  It was great and it felt so good!

This year our schooling looks different from last year.  My two 15 year olds will be going to the locale high school. They are sophomores. We live about 1/2 mile from there so they will be walking.  My husband and I really prayed about this moment.  Last year they started out at the locale high school but only lasted about 6 weeks.  I ended up enrolling them in Connections Academy so they were able to be home with me.  By doing this they were able to deal with issues of their past and not worry about the daily drama of high school.  This year I believe it will be different.  They are mentally ready to walk through those double doors with Jesus by their side even though he is not welcome there.  Yes, we have had many talks about their walk, their words and there morals and how it is crucial they do not compromise.  My girls actually talked with me and told me of how they are feeling about this and as their mom could not be more proud of my ladies!!!

My 11 year old boy and my 14 year old boy are going to be doing Connections Academy.  We did this last year and they like it.  Yes it is demanding, yes it is structured and yes there is accountability.  All those things sound negative to a homeschooling mom however this is what I need to make sure my kids get an education.  I need that structure, I need that accountability and I like that it makes my children think about what they are studying.  They need that challenge.  They both did very well last year and didn't bat a eye when I let them know we were doing Connection Academy this year.  In fact they were so happy!!!

Joshua's Work Center

Nemo's Work Center

We have their work centers in the house almost complete. They will add to it as they go through the year.  I put up helpful tools to aid them as they work through their assignments.  For example I posted up on both work centers the parts of speech and listed an example of those.  Also I posted what their teachers require in each subject. 

My 5 and 6 year old will be attending the locale elementary this year.  The 5 year old is in kindergarten.  She is so excited!!! She has orientation today but actually starts on Monday.  She is very disappointed about that!!  My 6 year old has been approved for the MAPS class.  Little K needs special help beyond the few hours she spends with the aid at the school.  The MAPS class is a self contained classroom.  They have their own bathroom and playground area. They meet the children where they are.  Little K has many different struggles.  Hopefully she will grow by leaps and bounds this year with the concentrated help.  These two little ones are still considered foster children so they want them to be in a public school this year.  Next year I will decide if I should homeschool them or not since the adoption is almost final.  Praise the Lord!!!

Happy Schooling!!!!!!

Adoption: Parenting

The words mercy, tender, laughing, soft, gentle, sensitive, fun, easy going, kind, compassionate, quiet are all things that keep ringing through my mind.  All these areas sometimes I am so lacking and believe me Satan is there to make them flash bright to let me know that I stink as a person and need work.  He makes sure that I am GUILTY!

The other night I shared with my husband about what was really on my mind.  After all he lives with me and sees me raising our children.  Through my tears I was explaining to him that I do not want my children growing up afraid of their mom.  Our lives are a legacy we are leaving behind for our children.  When I am gone what will they remember?  What will they say about me as a mom? I asked him how he thought I was as a parent.  He was very quick to remind me that not everyone can do what we do.  We have taken in 5 children who desperately needed boundaries and guidance.  Thank you for that reminder!! I did need to hear that.

Let me first tell you that I know I am doing something right.  I know that the Lord loves me despite my inadequacies.  We have 9 children and 5 of them are adopted or should I say 2 adopted and 3 at the final adoption stage.  All of my children are great kids.  All of them have come from broken homes including my biological children (except for Joshua my 11 year old).  My 3 older kids (Two that are 22 and 18 year old are thriving and doing well).  I watch my 14 and 15 year old girls and they are thriving in the Lord and love everyone.  No-- they did not come to us that way.  They both came to us broken and angry.  My 14 year old boy had the life ambition of being a gang member.    He now is a Young Marine and loves the Lord. My 11 year old boy loves the Lord with all of his heart!! At 11 he wears a purity ring because he wants a reminder that his mind needs to be focused on pure things. My two little girls are sponges.  They love Jesus and love to sing sing sing!! The Lord has defiantly blessed us with such great kids.  All my kids are the best of friends and get along beautifully.  Yes we do have the "he said, she said…" and the squabbles at times.  However NEVER are there any fist fight (I believe that is only because we do not allow them to wrestle or touch each other unless it is to give hugs or pats on the back type thing).  So I know my parenting is not all warped.  However I do know there is much improving to do.  

My husband works outside the home.  I have never been they type of mom who says "you wait until your dad gets home….". I have always been the disciplinarian.  I am to the point and direct -- eye contact.  I feel this is so automatic that there are times where I walk away from a situation and things come crashing into my mind. I often think to myself "calm down --I wish I handled that just a little bit different."  

There are few people on my friends list who are Godley wonderful people who have that soft gentle spirit.  I do believe that God puts people in our lives that we can look up to and see what we can become.  I want to be Christ like!! Can you have that soft gentle spirit when dealing with children and their disobedience?  My children listen to me and they do what I ask and I feel respected 100% of the time by all of them.  My fear is that if I have that gentle soft spirit with them all of the time --will they still give me the respect?  I know they are not afraid of me and they love on me all of the time.  However they do know that there is a red line and mom is not going to disregard it.

I know there are things about me and personality that are very valuable in raising children and there are things that I need to change about myself.  I do believe as I change those things my relationship with the Lord will grow stronger and deeper because I will depend on HIM more to be my leader in raising these children as my husband and myself follow Him.  

So if you could -- please pray that my spirit becomes soft and meek. 

Galatians 5:22

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-contro

Adoption: Adoption Assistance helpful hints

As foster care for these three children is coming to a close and the adoption is about to be final I got the call to do the adoption assistance.  I am not a pro at this by any means and now that this is my second adoption I still feel very nervous when coming up with numbers.  I still have so much to learn.

Who ever sits behind the desk at DHS and does this adoption assistance -- they have them there for a reason.  Adoption Assistance is a negotiated amount and you need to agree on the numbers that you are coming up with.  The lady who works for DHS out of Salem has been there for quiet sometime.  I remember her when we were going through our first adoption 1 1/2 years ago.  She knows what she is doing which can be very intimidating and she is very good at it.

I have two children that had a cans assessment of 1 so that is an extra 212.00 each.  However one of them expired a week before the worker called me.  I think that was what they wanted to happen and that is why it took awhile for me to hear from them.  If you look at it from their end there are thousands of children they need to supply money for each month so any way they can cut a corner they are going to do it.  So I am not resentful at all but just thankful for our ending numbers.

Here are the things that you can calculate in: These are estimate figures--

Clothes/Shoes ------     $85.00 (5 &6 year old)                        $100.00 (14 year old)

Food                            $100.00                                               $200.00 (diabetic)

Hair appointments       $12.00                                                 $12.00

Toiletries (essentials)   $45.00                                                 $60.00

Utilities                       $60.00                                                 $60.00

Dance classes              $50.00                                                 $75.00

School Supplies           $50.00                                                 $75.00

Summer camps            $150.00                                               $150.00

Piano Lessons             $75.00                                                 $75.00

They are very positive when it comes to activities.  Even if the kids are not enrolled at the time but you plan on enrolling them -- make sure you write it down.  These are just some of the things they will consider.  If you vacation a lot make sure you write that down or if you snowmobile they will need special clothing for this.  You cannot get more than what they were getting in foster care however you can come close.  If you are in Oregon they try to aim for 1/2 or a little more of what you were getting.  If you don't say the right words that they are looking for they are not going to give you what you ask and they will talk you down.  Between the three we lost about $500.00.  For that I am thankful it was not more!

Adoption-- Potty Training

Little M (5 yrs) and Little K (6 yrs) are doing well.  1 1/2 years later we are still dealing with potty training issues with Little K who is now 6 years old. When I first got the little ones Little K and Little M were in pull ups full time.  Once I did the "boy pull up" thing (see earlier post) Little M never pottied her pants again -- except when it was truly an accident.  However Little K is very defiant and has her own agenda.

A while back I tried this reward system with Little K.  I filled a jar of marbles and I also had an empty jar.  Every time she went potty she got a marble placed in the empty jar.  Once all the marbles were transferred we would take a special trip to MC DONALD'S just her and I and a special friend (that a big deal for our family)! However this lasted not long because she would do really good for 3 days and then she would potty her pants all that day and usually this lasted for 3 days and then she would get back on track.  So then I decided to do an immediate gratification treat.  This has worked!!! I filled a jar of M & M's.  Every time she goes potty she gets 1 M&M.  She will do really good for 2 weeks or so and then she will potty her pants for one whole day maybe even the next but I am enjoying the no pottied clothes!! I am noticing that the time of no pottied pants are getting farther and farther apart.  I do not put her in pulls at all because she that is almost a guarantee that she will potty.  I already do 17 loads of laundry a week.  I don't need any more!!

M&M Reward

I hope this helps other parents who are struggling in this same way!!  I know it can be frustrating. With this post I do need to say -- I would NEVER be to drastic if I knew this was medical problem or a mental problem. Little K would always wake up dry from sleeping all night and also after nap time.  Her wetting occurs when she is playing and wide awake. Each child is different so please take that into consideration. 

Blessings!!!

Adoption -- Its Been Awhile!

I hope everyone is doing well.  It has been some time since I wrote anything but I just wanted to catch you up on the latest.  The three girls have been with us now for 1 1/2 years.  Yes it is amazing how time flies.  Looking back I can remember being so scared going into uncharted territories for us as a family.  We had already adopted two children the year before and I can remember just praying that we did the right thing. Taking on 2 little ones plus an almost 14 year old girl was scary!! You hear horror stories and pray your family would not be added to the statics.   However the Lord covered us and he is forever our life line and our comforter when things arn't so pretty.

Miss J asked us last year after spending 6 weeks in public school if I can home school her on Connections Academy. At that time I was already homeschooling my two boys.  So Miss J and Alicia decided to drop out of the public school and stay home and do Connections.  That was a very pivotal moment.  It took the drama out of the everyday life at school and both of them were able to work on past stuff and both of them became stronger people and their relationship with the Lord exploded into something beautiful. 

This year both older girls have decided that they do want to try to go back to public school.  I am very nervous however I do believe their faith and their morals will shine through and they will do fine.  I will continue to home school my two boys.  The two little one will attend the elementary school here. 

Both parents rights have been terminated so they are all legally free. Things are moving along and its picking up speed.  Now that this is our second adoption I am catching on to how things work.  At first it seems so slow!! Poky poky slow!! Its almost like a roller coaster as its climbing the hill before your about to crest the top.  Once it gets to the top its off and running.  You just need to hang on!