Adoption: Update

So sorry its been awhile since I posted anything.  Here is an update on where we are and what I am doing.

It seems that as every day that passes I am tweaking something in the way my house is ran.  When something is not working I am constantly thinking about what can I do next time to change it.

One of those silly changes are -- what to do with all these tooth brushes!!! Going into the kids' bathroom is driving me crazy.  I had a tooth brush holder that held all the tooth brushes and it was very disgusting.  I found this simple holder on Amazon that works out great.  Now I just need to get this tooth paste under control.  We had a dispenser however it gets junked up really easy.  I will be working on that.

Another thing that is driving me crazy is looking at everyone towel sloppily hung over the towel bar.  Who knows is whose??? Not sure.  Today I will putting names above where each persons towel goes.  There are six kids so this gets out of hand fast if I'm not on it.  There are three large bars in the bathroom so two kids share each bar.  This is an easy one to fix -- I just need to do it TODAY!

Another adjustment that I made is separating Little M and Little K.  I think I had mentioned that earlier in my post.  Little M (4 years old) is such a light sleeper and will wake up if she hears anything.  Separating them was one of the smartest things I have done.  I am so thankful that the Lord gave me the insight to do this.  Another thing that also helped is that for the past week I have been playing white noise in her room all night long.  It has been several days now where I have been able to sleep all night long without Little M coming into my room so I can walk her back to her bed.  It usually takes me another couple hours to fall asleep when that happens.

I have also started laying down both girls for their naps.  At first I decided that Little K (5 years old) was a little old to take a nap.  However, after they had been with us for over a month now I found that regardless if they take a nap they still wake up at the same time every morning and they go to sleep the same with or without a nap.

So here is the schedule for the little girls that work out great for us.

7:00 girls wake up

10:45 start making lunch

11:15 Time to eat

12:00 Lay down both girls (white noise is playing for Little M)

1:30 Both girls wake up like clock work

6:00 Bath time

7:00 Bed time

I can't tell you happy I am with this schedule.  When we first got them they were waking up twice in the middle of the night and then up at 5:00 am to stay up.  This is so much better and they seem happier through the day too.

The little girls see their dad now twice a week.  He comes off like he has it all together but I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  In November he and his girl friend are expecting twins.  They currently have a 4 month old baby.  I just have to trust in the Lord and follow his lead.  I have a feeling that he will not be able to follow through when the other kids come along but I just need to keep my eyes on Jesus and he will make it right.

Miss J is doing good.  She has been working on her past so she has been emotional.  I believe she is making progress.  I kind of torn in how I should feel where she is at.

Miss J is a very beautiful girl and so smart!  The place she is at has a lot of messed up kids.  Every time I am there the swearing sends shock waves through my system. I have not heard her swear however I know she does.  When we are there kids are fighting with each other and sometimes they have been on lock down to get control of the out of control kids.  Miss J seems like the only normal one there. 

The other day she had a screaming fit with her case worker.  She is very mad at her for removing her from her other foster home.  Anyway -- she let her case worker have it.  I tend to think that by her being there it gives her permission to be "out of control" and to act inappropriate because everyone else is.  In a small way -- I want her there to work on more issues but I want her home more to get her adjusted to home life and to get her way from those influences.  

Adoption: Please pray for our family!!

As we entered into this next phase of raising these 3 children we were aware of them not being leagally free.  The mom still had her parenting rights in place however Miss J's dad parental rights were revoked.  Little M and Little K dads (different dad from Miss J) rights are still in place.  In fact I take them once a week to visit their dad.  He just called today and asked if he could start visiting 2 times a week instead of the once.

I had a lengthly visit with the case worker today.  She brought the situation a bit more real to me.  DHS is hoping that the dad of the little ones voluntarily gives up his rights.  He has a violent past and can be a very dangerous man.  The more I learn it is so clear that this whole system is broken including foster care.  These kids don't need to be with someone who might hurt them and people who are doing foster care who shouldn't sickens me.  These kids have been victims of both situations.

When kids come into foster care each one has a plan.  Whether they are going to head toward adoption, return to parent or some other plan.  The children's plan as of today is "to return to parent". 

Going into this journey I knew what we were getting into.  We have prepared our children for what might happen.  The way I choose to look at this situation is -- This is our family ministry.  We have much love to give these little ones.  When these little ones came in to our home they had know idea who Jesus is.  Now they know how to pray and they have asked the Lord into their heart.  When we sit at the kitchen table to eat they can't wait to pray! Even after one of the other kids pray they each want to lift up their own prayer.  It is too precious! Should the Lord want these kids back with their parent then the Lord knows what he is doing.  We just need to pray and have faith that these little ones will be okay.  We have planted seeds while they have been with us. There is a very special verse that has been coming to mind time and time again through this.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and HE will direct your path.  Proverbs 3:5-6

I always wondered why that verse stuck in my head at such an early age.  It was the first verse I ever memorized.  Maybe it was to drill it in to my head so I could remember it for this moment of my life.  The Lord knew how much I would need to depend on those words.

I am asking prayer for this situation.  I am praying against any possibilities that they would return to their parents.  I am praying that these three beautiful children can stay with us.  That we can adopt them.  The Lord has promised this verse in his Living Word --

 I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. John 14:13

I have the peace of mind to know that our story is going to be like labor pains that will last for a couple of years.  When the adoption actually happens it will be an emotional celebration with lots of hugs and kisses and deep breaths.  It will be the longest labor pains I have ever experienced.

Thank you so much for your time and interest in reading this blog.  In a two month period of time there are over 1000 hits on this blog and over 14 different countries have been reading it!  The Lord has blessed me with incredible prayer warriors who are reading this.  If you would be so kind to post a comment and let me know who you are.  If you have prayer request put it in the comments so myself and others can pray for you as well.  Thanks in advance for your prayers!!!

Blessings--

Adoption: Working Through Sleeping Patterns

So we are coming up on one month with the new kids.  That is so hard to believe!  The little ones are doing so much better.  They definately did not get disciplined correctly where they came from so that made it much more difficult for us when they came here.  But I am so happy they are here and I pray in the name of our Lord our Savior that they will be able to stay.  Please keep our family in prayer as the court and the state decided what to do in this case.  I can't imagine them moving them again but the Lord knows.  I will continue to trust and have faith that no matter what the Lord will see us through.

In the beginning I was quite concerned because one girl would get up around 3:00 am and walk over to the other girl and wake her up.  They were really loud so the rest of the house would wake up.  I would finally get them back to sleep and then another one would wake up at 5:30 am and wake up the other one.  I couldn't send them back to bed because they would cry and wake up everyone in the house. I was up at that time because Milford would be getting ready to leave for work and I make his lunch and breakfast every morning.  I hate to admit it but I do not like sharing my morning time.  My morning time is what keeps my sanity and now that I don't have my morning time alone that means that I will be insane all day.  Poor kids!  There was no way this could continue.  I played with their nap time, their bed time and anything else I could think of -- nothing made a hill bit of difference.

I decided to separate the kids.  I braced myself because these little ones act like twins so I knew this was not going to be an easy task.  First of all I had only Little M (4 yrs) take a nap.  DHS gave me a sheet a paper showing their schedule and it said that both girls took naps.  Little M goes to sleep fine in the afternoons but explaining why she takes a nap and why her sister doesn't is a very hard thing to do.  Finally I just say she doesn't have to sleep just "rest your eyes".  She feels much better with that and falls asleep almost instantly.

We have a small room off of our master bedroom.  It is around 8ft by 16 ft.  It has an upright piano in there and we store our camping gear in there.  I laid a twin mattress on the floor, put a bunch of stuffed animals on the bed and made it cozy looking.  I put a smoke detector on the wall and also removed the door knob completely so she could not lock herself in there.  This room would be for Little K (5 yrs).  She does not sleep well.  I can hear her tossing and turning in the baby monitor.  She also grinds her teeth.  When we got her she had really dark circles under her eyes.  Now that she has  been with us for a month the dark circles are almost all gone.  Anyway-- Little K loves her new room.  I am going to put a dresser in her room and make it as girly as I can.  

At first it was almost comical.  With the girls separated I would get up with my husband getting him breakfast and my eye would catch movement.  Little M was making her way down the hallway toward me.  I looked the opposite direction and her comes Little K coming towards me!  Neither one made a sound but all smiles at 5:30 am.  It was in disbelief!  At least it was not at 3:00 am. I can't separate them any further apart than what they are!! I took Little K back to her room and she went without crying and then let Little M back to her room.  There were NO TEARS!! They both went back to sleep.  There for awhile Little M would wake up at 6:30.  I knew that if I sent her back a second time the tears and screaming would start so I let her stay up but constantly thinking what can I do differently this next time I send them to bed.  

 This is what I feel like doing sometimes!!

So as of today this is what that sleeping schedule looks like and it is working out GREAT!!  At 10:30 I start fixing lunch.  I have all the lunches made my 11:00.  At 12:00 I lay Little M down for a nap.  She sleeps till about 1:30.  In the evening I give both girls a bath at 6:00 and at 7:00 pm.   They both have been sleeping till at least 7:30 am.  Thank you Jesus!!! 

Adoption: Three Weeks With The New Children

The further we get into this the more I am learning about these children and what they had to endure.  It is pretty sad the state won't let you in on anything.  You kind of have to figure out their story on your own.  Straight adoption through DHS is much different.  You are given papers on papers telling as much story as they know about them.. Foster care is so different.  All we were given was a placement paper showing the girls first, middle and last name, whether they are female or male, their birth date and possible exposure to drugs and alcohol.  Nothing more. 

I am sure that if you talk to different people from DHS they will share information that in someone elses opinion was "too much information".  The reason for my frustration is I want to help these children the best I can.  Without knowing their background I am operating blind and feeling my way through this.  I am hoping to adopt them.  Should the Lord choose to send them else where, I want to help them through this as much as I can. 

Yesterday I got off the phone with the eye doctor for Little M.  I told her I was their new foster mom and she took in a deep breath.  She asked "so they are not with the other lady who brought them in last time?"  I said "no -- they are with us now".  She began to share with me that every time they came in she knew something was not right.  She knew something was wrong and was debating on calling the authorities.  She would second guess her thoughts and wonder if she was reading into things more than what they really were.  They would come in very dirty with hair a mess.  She was really rough with them and would grab them by the arm to get their attention.  She said she would talk really strong with them in the office thinking that the staff could not hear her but she was swearing at the kids.  She was just a real mean lady.  This lady I was talking to would see her around town digging through trash cans for cans to cash in.  One time they called to her house to schedule an appointment with Little M and she could hear this man in the background yelling and swearing at the top of his lungs at these little girls.  She said that she needs to trust her gut feelings more and feels guilty that she never called but so relieved DHS did step in.  The more I talked with this lady she was elated that they closed down that foster home and are in another home.  DHS would not share with me at all as to what type of home they had been removed from.  

You think well ask the children what kind of home that was.  That does sound logical right?  These little girls will start with a story and add to it.  They would tell me that they were hit, slapped and they would go on and on. Then one of them says "and then she shot me!"  and the other one would say "Yes! She shot me too! right in the head." and other would say "yep-- she shot me in the head too!"  Well I may not know much but I do know they were not shot.  So now what part of the story to do you believe?  The day after they got here my daughter came to me and told me that they told her that I hit them.  This was scary because they don't realize that these words can have them removed from our home.  I did not hit her and would not hit her.  So we are working on telling true stories. 

Each new day is a huge learning process for all of us.  The girls are doing good.  Miss J will be back soon.  Please pray for her that she will find a peace here.  Pray that she will find a peace in her soul!! And pray for my little story tellers too!!!

Adoption: Little M Is Learning To Obey

I think today was one of the hardest days so far with the new kids.  My heart goes out to Miss J who has had to raise these two little ones.  I keep thinking how in the world would a girl at this current time is 13 years old know what to do.  Even myself with a total of 9 children now -- has me puzzled on how to handle certain situations.  I am not at all blaming Miss J for how Little M is at all.  If anything I want to commend her for hanging in there and doing the best job she knew how to do.  It is the parents and the foster parents before me that I would like to shake.  This little girl at the age of 4 years old called the shots.  She is such a cutie.....until you see the "real Little M" and then it is not so pretty.

I can't help but remember back when I was younger we had a Muscovy duck.  This duck was mean! It would attack you.  It had the personality of a goose.  All of us were afraid of it -- even my parents.  One day my dad brought home a black Labrador Retriever.  We were so happy when he pulled in the drive way with this dog.  When my dad opened the door of the truck the dog got out and was met by this Muscovy duck.  The duck started to attack the dog.  The dog ran after the duck clear down our 1/2 mile dirt driveway.  The dog caught the duck by the neck and held the duck until the duck stood perfectly still.  Every time the duck would move the dog would handle it. We were all watching from the top of the driveway watching trying to hold our cheer.  We were so happy something was FINALLY teaching this duck a lesson.  It was long and drawn out and it seemed like it lasted forever -- the struggle between the dog and the duck.  The dog finally won and the duck sat there not squawking a word!! It was a great victory!! 

That illustration kind of reminds me of what just happened yesterday all though the neck thing never came into play (just thought I should throw that in). I was the victim of the biggest temper tantrum EVER!! I was scratched, bit, hit, kicked, spit on, plus endured verbal abuse by a 4 year old! she told me she hates me!! She said she loves Alicia, Nemo, Joshua, Brooke, Ben, Clay, Little K, and miss J. But I am mean and she said hated me (with a shake and a scream with a beat red face). Then she said "okay mom I am done!" she raised her little pinky to me and said "pinky promise". I said okay well if your done you still need to lay down on your bed till I say to get up. She ripped off her sheets on her bed, and told me she is the boss and she can do what she wants...........well after about 1 hour of non stop thrashing and swinging at me she was worn out dripping sweat she finally gave in and laid down on her bed with no screaming and sobs. Then I asked if she was going to be a good girl she said yes and then told me she loves me. Oh Mercy!!!

 This is not her but boy it sure looks like her last night!!

I was having her stand in the corner but I was afraid she was going to hurt herself the way she trashes around. I have to hold her in the corner because she would not stand there.  I could feel me getting upset so I knew I had to change something.  Now I have her "lay" not stand or sit but lay on her bed.  I am teaching her to follow directions and to listen to what I tell her to do.  She needs to obey.  Things are going to get worse before they get better. 

After all this was said and done she started crying in her bed after her sister was fast asleep.  There was a motorcycle that went by and she said it hurt her ears. I went in and told her to stop crying and go to sleep and she said "NO".  Well now that her sister is in her bed I can't make her lay on her bed in time out -- her sister will wake up.  So out we go to the corner in the living room.  Here we go round 2! She kicked the wall a couple of times and stomped on the floor several times and then she calmed down.  I said "Miss M -- come here".  She did not respond so I told her to stay there for awhile.  She lost it again.  Kicking and screaming and hitting.  Finally she calmed down again I asked her to come over to me.  She came over.  I asked her "are you going to cry if we go in your room?" She shook her head "no". I asked her if she was going to talk in her room? She shook her head "no." I told her we have to be quiet because her sister is sleeping.  So we tried it again.  We walked back to the room and walked her over to her bed and I said "get in bed so I can tuck you in all cozy."  She would not get into bed.  So (taking a beep breath) I took her arm -- back out to the corner we go.  All the way down the hall she kept saying "I will -- pinky promise mom".  Nope-- in the corner.  We will give it another shot in awhile.  Finally -- with all the above repeated AGAIN I took her to her bed.  She climbed in and fast asleep she went. 

With both girls fast asleep I was drained!!!! I went back to my room in a daze.  I still had to fold a load of laundry.  After folding clothes I got into my comfy jammies, turned on TV and just sat there in pure bliss.  

I woke up this morning at 5 am.  The girls usually wake up at 6 am.  If want anytime to myself I need to get up early.  It is 6:35 am right now and they are still sleeping!! Little M must have exhausted herself last night!

Adoption: Two Week With New Children

Well tomorrow marks two weeks the new children have been with us.  They have seem to blend right in.  I do believe this was a match made in heaven.  Adoption or foster care is so scary because you could get a tyrant of a child.  The Lord put hedges of protection around us and covered us through this process.

Miss J is still away from us at the time being however we visit her often.  We write her letters and she writes back the sweetest things it bring tears to my eyes.  She will soon be with us but for now the Lord has her where he wants her.  She is in the midst of therapist and counselors daily and is so thirsty to get her thoughts straight and is ready to live life for herself instead of having the pressures of raising two very active little girls.  She has stated that she is ready to come home and that she misses all of us.

Her and Alicia have become sisters overnight.  This is truly the Lord!!  They act very silly together and just act "13".  Miss J has stated that she appreciates me so much because I am taking care of her sisters and she does not have to worry about them anymore and she can focus on herself.  Miss J is a wonderful girl who is going to make a strong come back and we can't wait to get her home.  That is will be in Gods timing not ours.

Little M and Little K are learning a lot.  They are getting to know the corner very well.  They are learning to listen to me.  It is amazing how these little ones are like a sponge.  They are willing to accept a new way of life.  It takes time but they are trainable.  Consistency is the key.  Don't say it unless you are going to do it or they will not take you seriously.  My days lately are filled with little tests from them all day long.  Most of these test will end but some will stay.  This is why you have to go through classes when doing this.  All these children -- even little ones push to see what they can get away with.  

Yesterday I had to take the little ones to visit their dad at the annex.  This was scary! I really didn't know what I was in store for.  I knew his background so it made me a little intimidated.  As we got out of the van this man behind them said "hi".  These children will literally go with anyone.  I am teaching them about stranger danger.  So we make our way inside the building and the man says "Hi Miss K".  I turned around and said "are you their dad?"  It kind of surprised me that they did not say "DAD!!!"  They were talking about him all the way to the annex saying how much they missed him.  He said "yes" and introduced himself to me. It shocked me that they allow parents and children who have been removed from them in the same room with no worker just me who has never been through this before.  Anyway -- we sat for about 15 minutes and I kind of got to know him a little bit.  He seems like a nice man but based on the "true person" that he is -- he is very dangerous.  Anyway-- they finally called him back with the children and they had a worker monitor the conversation for 1 hour.  I went to Barnes and Noble and enjoyed quietness for a bit.

After the meeting with their dad they seemed okay.  It kind of shocked me that they were not throwing a fit.  Miss K saw me and squealed really loud and jumped in my arms.  I prepped my husband for bad attitudes when I get home.  But their attitude was not different then any other time. That was a relief!

We decided to join the "large family club" and get a 12 passenger van.  I love it however it is so big I am so fearful I am forgetting someone.  We have 6 kids in the house right now.  When Clay is with us that is 7 children.  Then I have two grandbabies that require car seats.  The grand total is 9 plus my hubby and I.  After all this we still have one seat open.  Gas isn't so pretty.  It gets about 14 miles to the gallon.  We need to get a smaller car for when I only have a couple of the kids with me for appointments and such but that will happen in time.

Yesterday -- I got my socks blessed off!!!  My sisters Mother in Law came by the house.  She had told their church about our family.  Their church gave us a cash donation, donated several boxes of cereal, several twin size sheets sets, socks and slippers!! I almost started to cry! I have never been on the recipient side of receiving a donation.  I was in awe and so very thankful!! WOW -- I still can't believe it!!  It was a blessing from the Lord!!