Fostering set of 2 -- Hangin' on!

Where in the world do I start?  I kind of left everyone hanging and probably wondering what is happening in the Bowers home since taking in the two new foster children.  So------ now for the nitty gritty.  My sweet little 10 year old boy is something else!!  You see about 2 weeks ago I stopped by his old school to TRY to get someone in the office to talk to me about this little guys behaviors.  I thought I would have to beg and plead but no….they ushered me right in and even found someone to watch my two little girls for me why we sat behind a closed door for 1 HOUR!!!! She spilled the beans on everything!!!! I have to say that I am so happy I didn't know this garbage before we got him -- I'm not sure if I would have taken him.  I told him that I visited his old school and had a very interesting conversation with his old principle.  He was not happy!! He said I had no business talking to her.  

I have never seen anything like it.  He has been terrorizing the children at the school. He's been threatening people with knives and saying some pretty spooky things we was going to do with them.  The next day he actually brought the knives to school and chased the kids with an open blade. This poor little boy thought he was gonna die that day.  His language is deplorable!!! His comments are X rated and shocking. No wonder why he was upset that talked to his principle!  This is a 10 year old boy!!! This does give you a birds eye view on how chaotic his life was at his last home without even being there or witnessing it.

Within the first week of him being here at our home -- he and his sister ran away.  The children are able to have visitations with their mom and dad twice a week.  The mom told this little guy to run to a persons house that is by ours ( a few miles away) and once they are there they will come and get them and head to Texas. The boy told the mom that his sister would not be able to keep up with him so the mom actually brought a scooter so the little girl would have wheels to get away on.  I found them around the block and yelled at the top of my lungs "YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUTT IN THIS CAR NOW!!!!"  They both ran toward my car for all they were worth.  Thank goodness they are 6 and 10.  Any older and they would have ran for their lives away from me. 

Once we got home I was fuming.  I do believe smoke was coming out my ears.  I do think it is amazing how these little bodies can bring out such an ugly side of me. Anyway-- Once we got home like I said I was fuming!!! This little boy was mouthing off to me.  Saying everything that would just get me madder.  It didn't take me long to realize that I just needed to send this little boy to bed for the night.  If he would have stayed up I would have been tempted to lay my hands on this boy in away that DHS would not approve so I had to get him out of my sight for the time being.  While he was in his room I did go through the backpack that he had on his back (THAT I BOUGHT HIM I MIGHT ADD!!) Once I looked inside the backpack my heart started to get soft and I started to calm down immediately.  I thought I would find things that he would have stole from the house but what I found was not what I thought I would find.  When I opened his backpack I found all of his sisters clothes that he packed for her very neatly.  I had just bough him over $100 in new clothes but hardly anything was for him. It was all for his sister.  Then I found the one thing that almost made me cry.  One of my boys gave him a bible.  There it was -- in his backpack.  Forget his toys, books,  and everything else -- he chose to take the bible that was given to him.  My heart was  mush!! I must talk to this little boy.

I went into his room and he was sobbing in his pillow.  He said "I just wanted to be with my mom".  I lost it!!! These poor little kids have to pay this price because of parents bad decision!!! All the anger that I felt before and the frustration -- well that was gone.  Now it was compassion and trying my best to reach this boy.

Once this incident happened his leash got a lot tighter.  We could not leave him alone with the other children alone for any amount of time, our back gates needed to remain locked, he could not play out front -- only in the back yard where we could visibly see him.  As a few weeks past I could see him starting to relax a little bit.  He would get these smiles that just bless my soul.  He smiles so big his eyes close.  It is so adorable!  I could tell that regardless of these stunts he would pull I was gradually getting attached to this little guy and determined to make a difference in his little life.

So last week I got a call from the school because he got a referral.  He called someone a Mother *****.  He lost all his recesses for a couple of days.  As discipline from us -- he was grounded from his skateboard and he lost his computer time and an early bed time.  He is already on an expulsion contract from his old school because of his deplorable behavior.  They said one more incident and he will be expelled.  So from that time till yesterday he had been really good even at school.  His teachers said he is a model student who does very well and he has not given them any problems even from the time I enrolled him in school while in the classroom.

However yesterday we took several steps back.  From the moment he stepped on the school bus he starting to pick on Joshua (my son).  The other kids were defending Joshua and he was spitting out words.  Then on the playground he was overheard saying he was going to beat Joshua up.  Then in the lunchroom (eating breakfast) he used the "F" word about 20 times.  All these incidences happened before 9am in the morning.  So he is home with "yours truly" today.  He will be writing an apology letter to the principle today.  We had him give his skateboard back to his mom.  That is not welcome in our home until he shapes up.  We will let her know when he can have it back. Also I am getting him counseling.  First thing on Monday we will be in a councilors office.  This little boy is miserable, broken, angry and so sweet all at the same time.  He has been really good at the house for the past three weeks, really good in his classroom = he behaves well with monitored times. So I am trying to work with the school and maybe for a period of time he can eat his lunch in the office, spend recesses in the classroom or in the office and so on until we see a shift in his behavior.

Please pray for this little guy! The Lord loves his children.  This little boy loves to read the bible and loves Jesus.  I know the Lord can transform his life.  Oh!! and pray for us too!!! For patience!!!!  Thanks!!!

Conquering The Laundry Beast!!!

I can not express to you how much I despise laundry.  To make matters worse I cannot stand it when laundry is dumped on my couch to fold.  What happens in my home is the dog ends up making a nest so she can have a nice cozy nap in our clean pile of clothes or it is tossed from one couch to the other as people are looking for a place to sit until someone has time to get to it.  Because the size of our family we do at least 20 loads of laundry a week. This drives me crazy!!  On the older kids chore sheet there is a spot where someone needs to ask me if I need help and that is a usual request.

Recently we got a new placement of two siblings.  This would add to our laundry load and also add to more of the dysfunction that was happening.  I am always tweaking one thing or another to make it run more smoothly.  My laundry room/pantry was one of those areas that has been on my mind.  Our laundry room/pantry is also our entrance into the house.  So going and leaving this was an overwhelming task and very embarrassing when company would come over but FINALLY it is done.

I have had the black laundry baskets in place for a long time now that are under the counter and it has worked well.  It even teaches the little ones how to sort laundry.  They know what is dark and what is white and what is jeans so it makes it easy for them to take care of their own dirty clothes daily as part of their chores.  We actually need another one to say colors (pastels). If they are running out of clothes I know they are not doing their chores and there is consequences for that.  Mostly all the children are very good at this and there is not a problem.

The black baskets at the bottom are for dirty clothes.

I had to work with the space available so not all the baskets match but it is organized and I am content for the time being.  When the laundry is done drying I take out each piece of clothing and place it in the basket of whom it belongs to.  Once I am done with the laundry load the kids come in and take their baskets fold their own clothes and put it away and return the baskets.  I do require them to fold their clothes neatly and place it in their drawer neatly or they will do it over.  

I do have a separate basket for towels, dish clothes, sheets, blankets and so on.  I take care of these myself.  Anyway -- It seems to running just how I imagined.  This was a very big undertaking but alas it is done!!

Next on my list……I need to create a chore sheet for my little girls.  I give them things to do daily but I want it on a chart with their duties just like the 5 older kids have.  I will post the chore chart on another post.

5 of the older kids clean laundry to be folded and put away BY THEM!

The two other black baskets are the three little ones -- I have ages (5,6 and 7 years old).  Maddie and Kendall share a basket because they share clothes.  They wear the same size.  Right now that is not an issue however as they get older that will be something else to figure out.

All the baskets.

 

Transitioning ---Fostering Sibiling Set of 2

I want to apologize for not writing sooner.  To be honest writing was the last thing on my mind.  Getting control of these new kids coming in were my top priority. Its so funny to me how you go through this process and you have in mind the age group you desire because you have this misconception that one age is better than the other however I'm telling you -- just because you receive the age group you requested does not mean they would be any easier than a baby or a 17 year old teenager.

Going into this I knew that we did not want babies.  Don't get me wrong.  I love babies!!! They don't talk back to you and they let you love all over them however babies in our large household would not be a good fit.  Some do not want teenagers.  We have adopted 3 teenagers and they are wonderful! We do have bumpy roads once in a while however I am not gonna complain about them.  We won the luck of the draw or better yet the Lord showed massive mercy on me and blessed my socks off!  My two little girls now 5 and 7 are the most difficult for us.  You would think it would be the other way around and in some/most cases that is true.  Now we have a 6 and a 10 year old that sends me in awe! I will get to them shortly.  I guess going through this the best thing you can do is pray till you have blisters on your knees and memorize the scripture that says God will not give you more than you can handle.  When your going through the valleys --- remember this!!!

Many people have asked me about the 14 year that ran away from the social worker when they were bringing him to my house.  The boy ran to his older brothers house in a nearby town.  He is 21 years old with a 3 month old baby and a very new wife.  I have talked with him many times and he is such a great guy!! He has taken in his 14 year old brother and is getting certified so he can stay there with him.  He feels that he can't take on his two little siblings because first he has to figure out how to parent a 14 year old and the behavior problems of the two little ones is too much for him.  He feels horrible but needs to think of his marriage.  I can totally respect him for having the courage to voice that despite the hurt feeling the little ones may have and guilt that he must carry. I do have him in background really speaking volumes to these little ones letting them know they are in a safe home, telling them to be good for us, if they are good for us then they can see each other more often, etc.  He's really a good role model for all of them.  They all have the same mother -- and this 21 year old was put into foster care when he was 12 years old and later adopted for the same reasons these kids kind themselves in foster care today. Please pray for this family! They are so young but really trying to do the right thing.

I will be sure to continue this in another post.  I really just wanted to give an update on the other boy first. Things are getting better here on the home front but first we had to have some drama. Stay tuned!!!