Allegations!! Oh My!!!!

It has been  6 days since my little guys left.  Our home feels quiet like there is something missing.  I am so happy they could be with family.  This is where they need to be but I miss them at the same time.

Today marks a day that I never thought would come.  I got a phone call from our certifier.  She said that there was an allegation that was said about me.  She said that it has been reported that I open hand slapped Little D (4 years old) a couple of times and several times I did this to Little K (3 years old).  This took my breath away and put my stomach on edge a little bit.  My heart dropped and I felt so hurt!! They saw these children everyday  -- wouldn't there be marks if this happened?  If your gonna say something tell them I chased you around the house trying to steal kisses when I know you hate them!! ABUSE!!! It took me a while to snap out of my own worry and hurt feelings but we are dealing with 3 and 4 year olds.  I think kids need to show their loyalty to the parents by speaking negative things about who ever they are with making their parents out to be the best however they do not know the consequences this has for me. As for me -- We are fine. I told my other kids about it and they had the same reaction as I did.   Our certifier has to ask us questions when allegations are made.  She just can't ignore these statements -- which I understand.  She said this is not going to be an issue and not to worry.  So I am going to do just that -- I am going to trust in the Lord about this. (Prov 3:5-6)

The grandmother wanted me to be my friend on Facebook however since this was just brought to my attention today I don't think I will do this.  I did send a private message to her letting her know that I know about the allegations and for her peace of mind -- I did nothing but love on those two boys while they were with me.  I did tell her that I am not angry but missing those boys and hope all is well.

Scary stuff!!

Our Final Days with Little D and Little K

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!! The feeling I have right now is beyond any comprehension. First of all my two little precious boys were able to go to church with us one last time. Little D (4 years old) told his grandparents and his mom that they need to know more about Jesus! They don't know a lot about him so they have to go to church and learn more about the Lord! Out of the mouth of babes right? You tell em' Little D!!! The grandparents decided not to go however the mom did!! When I sit back and think about tonight I get goose bumps! When I found out they were going to go I prayed about tonight's message. Guess what... God delivered again! The message was about staying away from sin, how our sin effects our children, saying no to the world! Did our pastor know I had a convicted felon sitting beside me??? I praise the Lord for the seeds that were planted. I know she was listening. I couldn't help but watch from the corner of my eye at her responses to what our pastor was saying. Tonight when we got home I allowed the mom to put the boys in their bed. She got them dressed, tucked them in and then they insisted she prayed with them. She prayed with them what seemed like forever! She finally left the house and I sat there in amazement. I do pray for this little family! Lord keep them and protect them and may their faith grow strong. I know You have Little D's heart!! There are so many parents who are led to the Lord by their little children going to church. I pray this is one of them. Lord you are AMAZING!!! What a journey YOU have us on!

Notice of Departure -- They Will Be Leaving Tomorrow

Okay so I have a million praise reports to give!! i can't write them all down but I will share a few! I want to thank everyone who has reached out to my family to help my little guys settle in. Because of so many of you they have had a great experience here even though it was hard on them being away from every familiar face they have known. So thank you thank you thank you!!! Also while they have been here they have gone to church and have accepted Jesus in their heart!! They pray before every meal and before they go to bed each night. The 4 year old constantly asks me about Jesus and also tells me about BIG God is!!! He says "Did you know God is so big he just thinks of something on BAM!!! its created!! God thought of a tree and BAM! there was a tree!" He says it with such amazement and excitement that it makes me wonder why aren't we like this little one full of excitement and awe about what our God can do and does for us on a daily basis! What happened to us? Anyway - My little guys will be back with their family either today or tomorrow. I will be sad but also over joyed because I know their grandparents LOVE them and they are safe with them. Prayer request please!!! The grandparents and mom and my two little guys will be at church tonight!!!!! They have never gone before!!! They can see Little D's enthusiasm over going to church. They want to see what he is so excited for. Our GOD is BIG guys!!!!!


30 days later after they came to our home................

Just got the official word that my boys will be leaving tomorrow morning after the court hearing. They will be headed back to Florida to be with the their grandparents. I decided to stay home tomorrow with the boys instead of going to the court hearing. Maybe I can get in a few snuggles and sneak a few kisses (they don't like kisses) before they go. Little D and Little K -- I will never ever forget you! You have made an inprint in my soul. One day we WILL see each other again. Here, there or in the air! I love you!!!!

The Two New Additions To Our Big Family

The day our adoption was final we got a call from DHS asking us if we would be interested in two little boys ages 3 and 4.  They were having trouble placing them.  The call that came in described the boys has aggressive, abused animals, beat up on each other and others, extremely active and a bunch of other stuff.  My mind kept going back to their ages.  Little ones this young are so moldable I had trouble processing this. If I said yes they would be at the house in the morning (Wednesday).

Before I go on…..I am not going to say that there are not any kids out there with this behavior.  There are some kids that are really struggling with acceptable behavior some because they are choosing this behavior and others because they don’t know the difference and can't control themselves.

However -- when I got this call I told asked them if I can call them back in 10 minutes.  I had to talk with my hubby.  My husband looked at me like I was crazy.  We have 2 dogs, 3 cats and blind chicken and a house full of other children that do not want to be abused. After giving my husband "puppy dog" eyes -- he gave in.  I normally would not do this -- I think.  But their ages -- I couldn't let that sway me from what I was hearing.  If these were teenagers and I got this report -- sad to say I would not be brave enough to take this on. I called them back and said yes we would love them!!

I decided to stay home from church that night because based on our last placement it was very emotional.  I just wanted to play it calm and give them time to adjust.  My husband had to go to work that morning so I was on my own.  I told the older kids that were home that I am really gonna need their help for consoling.  I just knew that I was going to have to pull these kids off the workers when they left.  There was two of them.

They were at the house by 9am in the morning.  They came in all smiles and happy.  The case worker just looked at me and said they were ready to leave and come here. I showed them their room and the toys.  I was taken back!

I was on high alert for our animals and other children for a while.  I was very evident later on these children were sweet and typical 3 and 4 year old boys. They have never hurt the animals since they have been here.  They are active boys for sure but show me a 3 and 4 who is not.  Every once in a while they will play a little rough and they will hurt someone or they might get hurt.  

As the day went on it seemed like they had been with us since the beginning so I asked them if they wanted to go to church.  Oh my…Cheers through the ceiling!! They were so happy.  They said they do not go to church but they really wanted to.  Since that night every time they wake up from their nap or from wake up in the morning the first words out of their mouth is "is it church day?" They love it!!! They are always singing "The B-I-B-L-E yes that’s the book for me. I stand up on the word of God the B-I-B-L-E  BIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and other songs!!

That Sunday after church while I was reading a book all 4 children asked the Lord into their heart.  I knew my other two had already done that but they wanted to again. Now they walk around and tell everyone that Jesus lives in their heart.  I told them that anytime they are scared or they don't know what is going to happen they can pray and ask the Lord to help them and keep them safe.  They love to pray at breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When Little D (4 yrs old) woke up from his nap the other day he said "When I was taking a nap I had a long talk with God….I asked him to please get me up from this long rest!"  I had to laugh.  At least he is having a conversation with God!

We have done respite before however this is the first foster placement we have had where we can't adopt them.  I think the other kids are struggling with this a bit.  They think that every kid that comes in they stay forever. I know these children will not be with me for a long time.  However while they are here I get to love on them, hug them, show them that we all care about them.  We get to introduce Jesus to them.  We get to plant seeds and pray that one day those seeds will take root and grow and spread.  All my other kids are seeing how important their role is to these little ones.  Its hard not to get attached.  I am giving these kids all I have and in the end when they leave I will be okay.  I will probably be in tears but tears never hurt me.  I want these children to know they do have a purpose and they are loved.  I am happy that they do have a family that wants them.  I am concerned about the mom coming back into their lives but the Lord knows the whole story (beginning, middle and ending). He knows what is best.  He loves these little guys so much.

Moments That Give You Pause

 

There are things in life that make you give a pause. A moment that really makes you stop what you are doing and think about how you are actually effecting someone else. It doesn't happen every day.  These moments for me happen very seldom.  As I get older these moments are starting to happen more frequently.  Maybe that is because I am starting to pay attention to the details instead of taking things for granted.  

As I get older I have really been thinking about my legacy that I am leaving behind.  What will my children say about me when I am gone.  I know that day is coming.  Hopefully it will be a long time from now.  All our days are numbered.  I can tell you this that my outlook on life is much different than it was even 5 years ago.  What is your legacy? What will your children say about you?  Were you fun to live with?  Are you there when your children need you most?  I wish I would have started much earlier giving this much thought.  Those who are closest to me know my short comings.  You don't know how bad you really are until you try to change.

This defining moment happened this morning and I just had to share with you. 

I can't tell you how sweet it is to have these little boys who come in to your home who are so distant and flinch at any kind of affection and 8 days later when they see you they try to snuggle up as close as they possibly can get with you on the couch. As I sit there they rub their little hands over my hands over and over again. They stare at me and press into me. Then Little D (4 years old) whispers in my ear "Your the best mommy in the whole world!" It brings tears to my eyes. And you ask me why I do what I do? That is payment enough!

I hope you also will pay attention to the "little" things that are actually "huge" to a little one.  

Blessings,

 

It Is Finished!! The adopting is final!

I know I have slacked off writing on this blog however I have exciting news to tell all of you!!! You have been reading my blog from the time we brought in 3 amazing girls into our family. You have been there as I was pouring out my heart telling you how they arrived and sharing our ups and downs.  You have been there with me as we were experiencing our victories and you have been with me as we have had our set backs.  Thank you so much for all your comments and personal emails to me!! I so appreciate your encouragement. 

However we experienced a MAJOR victory on November 5, 2013.  Our adoption was final!! We had a ceremony at the court house.  I was so surprised how special the judge made it.  The judge came down on the floor and talked to everyone that was there.  He explained that this was such a special time for him because his job as a judge is to be for or against a certain party.  However today was a day that he could celebrate with everyone.  He talked with each of the children and just made it special.  Jade (15 years old) wrote a song for the occasion and sang it to everyone.  She had several of us crying. 

I had all 9 of my children under one roof! With two children who are 22 and a 19 year old it is very difficult to make this happen.  I have never gotten a photo of everyone together.  But on this very special day we were all together -- in a photo!

Here they are!! Brooke (22), Ben (22), Clay(19), Alicia(15), Jade(15), Nemo(14), Joshua(11), Kendall(6) and Madison(5)

Here are the friends and family that attended the adoption ceremony.  I sure wish the judge was in this picture!

On the following Saturday we had an adoption party. I made a painted a tree on a canvas and those who made it to the party were able to put a finger print representing a leaf on a branch.  

I may fill it in with other finger prints. I'm still undecided on that.

So now for some other news!! On the very day that this adoption was final I received a "congratulations" call from DHS.  Once she was done thanking me for doing this and how lucky the children are she said ....."well the other reason why I am calling is that we have two young boys who need a home".  Lets just say I will start another segment on our journey with them!! Don't forget to follow me!! This is gonna be interesting!

Parenting : Kids Want Your Time -- Part 2

As you have probably read in my earlier posts "Kids Want Your Time" I have really been trying to spend time with each of my 6 children.  Doing this is hard because of what is going on at the house however taking a pause never hurts!

Last night was Joshua's turn to have his special time.  At first I was thinking maybe an hour or so but it turned into 2 hours which was a perfect time spent.  We left at 6:30pm and my goal was to be back at 8:30pm.  He decided to go Geocaching.  We first stopped at Dutch Brothers and got us a large Blueberry pomegranate smoothie! Yummy!!!

We decided to head to Jacksonville which is 5 minutes from the house.  We tried to find two caches that were by the Chamber of Commerce. We looked and looked and decided that we were spending two much time on these catches so we decided to move on to another one. There are several in Jacksonville so we just walked to our next one. Keep in mind we are very new so it needs to be pretty simple -- a one star cache. The hint said "It is not in the corral". We looked for about 10 minutes. I couldn't believe that we actually found one!!! Joshua was looking though the can and decided to take the pad and pen.  Here is Joshua with his Cache.

Joshua's First Find!!!

Things Inside

We still had about an hour left before I thought we should head home.  It was starting to get dark but we continued on our way.  This next find was near the museum.  I was kind of puzzled because there were no bushes to hide something in but we found it!  It was tucked up under a pole in a magnetic key holder. I was so excited when I felt up under the pole. I tried to keep my excitement under control but I shouted "Joshua -- I found it!! Maybe the whole town of Jacksonville heard me!! This one required you to sign your name and put the date you found it. As you can see the flashlight was on.  This was so much fun!!

Our Second Find For The Night

If you are not familiar with it -- look it up.  It is so much fun for all ages!! It is a treasure hunt throughout the country.  In your city there are several treasures.  The levels of hunting are easy, intermediate and difficult. You will need a smart phone to be successful. Usually the more difficult the smaller the catch is. Usually -- you open the container.  It has several treasures in there.  You take one and leave one for someone else.  There should also be a notebook and a pen in there to sign your name and date you found it.

Once we got back to the car it dawned on me the notebook and pen that Joshua took from the first cache we found that we needed to check that quick!! I told him to open it.  Sure enough that was the notebook that people write their name in and the date!! I said we were beginners!!! I told him we need to return it now!! Oh My! I can't believe we almost took that.  The earliest date found on this catch was 2009.  So we made a quick trip back to our first catch spot and put that back in the can and Joshua chose a pin that said "Geocaching Block Party!".  He put in a string of different color paint.

I am looking forward to next week! My other son wants to go Geocaching on his time!

Parenting: Chores For All!!

 It surprises me when people approach me and ask how do I maintain a house with so many children.  Or they have even approached my children and ask them how do I do it!! Talk about nail biting!! I hope my kids don't make me look too bad!! Yes, I still have a lot of things to work through.  I am not a perfect house keeper but I do thrive on organization.  I am always making charts and tweaking this and tweaking that.  I also know that my home is not a military home either.  We have unmade beds, etc.

In all of the things when it comes to raising kids one of things that has been very hard for me to do is implement chores.  I am VERY good at starting something however the follow through has a lot to be desired. My husband and I are a blended family.  So he has a daughter from a previous marriage and I have two sons from a previous marriage.  We have 1 biological son between us and then we adopted 5 children within the past two years. That makes 9 children.

When my two kids from my previous marriage were little they never had chores.  I never grew up with chores.  I think that is pretty much how that is -- you pass down to your kids how you were raised. However my husband did.  The chores he had was very demanding which included chopping fire wood, stacking it and bringing it to the house.  Also they had to maintain a huge garden. His mom ran a very ordered home.  There are some things I admire about how she ran her home.

My husband now has a great work ethic and is not afraid of "labor" jobs.  His growing up really shape him into what he is today.  I can see the effect on my older kids how I did not do them any favors by not giving them responsibilities when they were younger.  Don't get me wrong -- I don't think you should over work your children.  But I do think children should have responsibilities.

Once we adopted the two children two years ago -- just by adding in numbers I could see that I could not maintain things like I use to.  For some reason it was not as hard this time getting this chore board in place.  Once I did.....I was so happy!!! It helped out so much.  By the kids taking some of the things that I had to do on a daily basis freed up time so I could do other things.  Once we adopted the three children the other kids were already in the habit of doing their chores which made it easier for the newest addition. Here is what we came up with that seems to work for us.

As you can see where I put "Kid #1 and so on -- all of our kids names are on here. There are also four rows.  1 row represents each week. On Sundays we put a tab to what week we are in. We start at the top and work our way down week by week. Also you might notice where it says "Ask mom if she needs help" or "ask dad if he needs help".  I use to be very lenient with this chore.  The kids loved having this chore because I usually was too busy to think of something they could do for me.  Then it occurred to me -- This comes in real handy!! There are times when I am doing my thing during in the day and I think -- hey the kids can help me with this so I will write it down on a list for my eyes only.  Even though I might think I can remember from day to day there have been so many times when they come to me and I can't think of anything they can do.  I pick one thing for them to help me with.  maybe its -- getting the clothes out of the dryer and folding it, sifting the cat box, unloading the groceries from the car....anything that you might need help with. Now they dread it because they know I will always have something for them to do.  Some days it is real easy and some days it might take them 10 minutes to do.  My husband also has them do things like sweeping off the patio, helping him in the garage....just anything he might need help with.

Also there are a few things that we have only the boys do such as the dog chore and the things we have the girls do is clean the bathroom because they do a far better job at it!

One other thing we do is in order for the kids to have 1 hour of computer time all their chores must be done.  All computers are shut down by 7:30 unless they are working on a school assignment.

One thing I have not done yet is get my 5 and 6 year old on the chore system.  They can do little things like make their bed, put their dirty clothes in the laundry, clean their room, set the table, etc.

We don't give any of our children allowance.  If we see kids going over and beyond and putting extra effort in their work we will reward them with money -- how ever much we feel we can give.  The kids just know that they chores are their contribution to help run the home.

Here is a chore sheet that I made for myself.  I am really trying to stick to this.  I made several copies and put the in the laundry room, in my bathroom (taped to the inside of my cupboard) and several other places where company wont see them or the kids but I don't have to keeping walking back to one place to make sure I have done everything I need to.

So there you have it!!! Hope this was some help!!

Adoption: Kids Want Your Time

 I will be first to tell you that I am not writing this as to give anyone expert advice.  I am writing this because this is an area that I need to drastically improve.  I know I can do better.   Many of you know we have a large family.  One of the things that have been pressing up on my mind is to establish strong relationships with in our home.  Not only the relationship with the siblings but also with me and my children.  I am forever trying to hone in on things that are a miss.  I am constantly tightening down the hatches when I see things that need improving in the running of my home. Some call me an organizer however just between you and me I also have a messy streak that drives me crazy!! I can list plenty examples but then that would really make me look bad. :)

Believe it or not ALL my kids are always asking me -- "Mom, I want special time with you".  Can you believe that? Sad to say it is usually right when I am in the middle of making dinner for the family or when I am in the middle of paying bills they tell me they want time. Most of the times I am left with guilt of saying "not now".  However this really has spurred me to figure something out!!

Not to long ago I had to take one of my foster kidos up to Portland to the CDRC (Child Development Rehabilitation Center).  One of the therapist told me that it is imperative that I carve out special times with each one of my children. It would be tough since I have 6 children under my roof but it can be done.  It does not have to be every day but I do need to make it a priority.  For the little girls ages (5 and 6) She said take 20 minutes and set a timer.  Let them know on this day and time that you will have our special time.  You play what ever that child wants to play within reason and as long as it is safe.  Even if my little girls wants me to play the husband (as long as there is no kissing and things like that) I am to do it. They will have so much FUN!!!

I have been surfing the web for things to do.  This link says its for girls however there are tons of things to do with boys too. Check out the link Things To Do with Kids (Pinterest). There are tons of things on the web that you can find if you can't think of anything. Here are some fun things that I plan on doing with the little ones.  *play house *tea party *paint nails *read books *take a walk *ice cream at McDonalds *snuggle time *pick flowers -- There are tons to do that doesn't cost a dime (except for McD's) -- just time. I thinking of doing this once a week.

The older ones I was going to give one hour of  individual time.  For our schedule I am thinking about having each child pick one day a month maybe two-Tuesday or Thursday.  Those two days of the week seem to be the only down times in our schedule right now. With my four older ones I can picture them wanting to go to *dairy queen and talk *dutch brothers and talk * bike ride *go to the mall or something else they request.  I am always thinking low cost.  The other day I took my two girls to the mall.  I had a small amount of cash on me.  I am trying desperately to only use cash these days and not the debit card. I told them "Okay you can have $7.50 each".  Ha!! I know funny huh!! We went into Debs and was looking through the clearance rack and one of my daughters found 3 shirts that came to $7.00.  My other daughter is not much of a shopper but she found 1 shirt for $2.50!! They had the best time.  I can't really picture my boys doing this so we will have to do something else. I know they will want to me play video games or work on a puzzle with them. Now that I am talking about this I think I am going to like this!!!  Also---Don't forget about family time!! I am also going to designate a week night to play a board game!!  Memories in the making!!!  Who's with me?

What are somethings that you all do?  A lot of people are reading this blog and I am sure they need some suggestions as well as myself.  So please share in the comment section!!!!

Blessings!!!

Monster Cookies for Hungry Kids

With three of my kids away at school and three kids here at the house I decided to whip out my mixer and make some Monster Cookies.  This will make for some happy kids when they come home.  My husband will be one happy camper too!  I am not much a baker however I love the thought of cooking!! Does this count?  At least you know as long as I just "think" about it I won't burn anything or dirty any dishes!!   Anyway -- lately I have been in the kitchen a lot trying out different recipes.  I love the Pioneer Woman! If you haven't heard of her -- look her up!! She makes some down to earth recipes.  My littles call her the "Pineapple Woman".  I always get a huge smile on my face every time they ask "mom can we watch the Pineapple woman?  So funny!!

Here is the recipe.  I usually double almost every recipe I use because of the size of my family.  I cannot believe how easy this one is. The anticipation of pulling these out of the oven is indescribable!!!

MONSTER COOKIES

1/2 stick butter (room temp)
1/2 C light brown sugar
1/4 C Sugar
3/4 C Creamy peanut butter
1 egg
1 tsp Vanilla
1/2 tsp Baking soda
1 1/4 C flour
1/2 C quick oats
3/4 C M&M's
1/2 C Chocolate Chips

Preheat oven at 350* Stir together butter and sugars then add your peanut butter. Mix in your egg and vanilla.  Slowly mix in baking soda and flour.  Then add your quick oats, M&M's and Chocolate chips. Cook for 10 minutes maybe a little longer depends on how thick and big you make them. (I didn't have any M&M's so I just measured 3/4 C more of chocolate chips and they were great!!) Enjoy!!!

School Is Here!!

Today is the beginning of yet another school year! WOW! Is summer break over all ready?  The kids are excited to start however I know that that excitement will not last long.  This years funds are extremely short so we had to really shop on a budget.  Somehow we were able to get all kids school clothes with the help of major sales happening and a blessed woman donated some gorgeous clothes to my older girls!! Thank you Lord for that!!

In our new house we have a pantry.  It’s a small room built off of the garage.   I decided to claim a couple shelves for school supplies.  It seemed that when the supplies were available to the children they would get a new spiral notebook weekly and pencils were gone before you knew it! Things were just picked though leaving just a few items where I would need to replace them often.  I am still finding half used or barley used spiral notebooks from last year.  This time it will be a little different.  The rule of the pantry is….no kids allowed in the pantry unless mom or dad sends them in there for something.  This really helps keep things from disappearing and I have a better idea of what is in there since it is mainly myself who gets items out or sends kids in for something.

School Supply Shelves In My Pantry

The other day I took kids out to the pantry two at a time and we went school shopping.  They told me what they needed and 9 times out of 10 it was there.  I think for my high school girls there were only about 2 or so more items that they needed from the store.  It was great and it felt so good!

This year our schooling looks different from last year.  My two 15 year olds will be going to the locale high school. They are sophomores. We live about 1/2 mile from there so they will be walking.  My husband and I really prayed about this moment.  Last year they started out at the locale high school but only lasted about 6 weeks.  I ended up enrolling them in Connections Academy so they were able to be home with me.  By doing this they were able to deal with issues of their past and not worry about the daily drama of high school.  This year I believe it will be different.  They are mentally ready to walk through those double doors with Jesus by their side even though he is not welcome there.  Yes, we have had many talks about their walk, their words and there morals and how it is crucial they do not compromise.  My girls actually talked with me and told me of how they are feeling about this and as their mom could not be more proud of my ladies!!!

My 11 year old boy and my 14 year old boy are going to be doing Connections Academy.  We did this last year and they like it.  Yes it is demanding, yes it is structured and yes there is accountability.  All those things sound negative to a homeschooling mom however this is what I need to make sure my kids get an education.  I need that structure, I need that accountability and I like that it makes my children think about what they are studying.  They need that challenge.  They both did very well last year and didn't bat a eye when I let them know we were doing Connection Academy this year.  In fact they were so happy!!!

Joshua's Work Center

Nemo's Work Center

We have their work centers in the house almost complete. They will add to it as they go through the year.  I put up helpful tools to aid them as they work through their assignments.  For example I posted up on both work centers the parts of speech and listed an example of those.  Also I posted what their teachers require in each subject. 

My 5 and 6 year old will be attending the locale elementary this year.  The 5 year old is in kindergarten.  She is so excited!!! She has orientation today but actually starts on Monday.  She is very disappointed about that!!  My 6 year old has been approved for the MAPS class.  Little K needs special help beyond the few hours she spends with the aid at the school.  The MAPS class is a self contained classroom.  They have their own bathroom and playground area. They meet the children where they are.  Little K has many different struggles.  Hopefully she will grow by leaps and bounds this year with the concentrated help.  These two little ones are still considered foster children so they want them to be in a public school this year.  Next year I will decide if I should homeschool them or not since the adoption is almost final.  Praise the Lord!!!

Happy Schooling!!!!!!

Adoption: Parenting

The words mercy, tender, laughing, soft, gentle, sensitive, fun, easy going, kind, compassionate, quiet are all things that keep ringing through my mind.  All these areas sometimes I am so lacking and believe me Satan is there to make them flash bright to let me know that I stink as a person and need work.  He makes sure that I am GUILTY!

The other night I shared with my husband about what was really on my mind.  After all he lives with me and sees me raising our children.  Through my tears I was explaining to him that I do not want my children growing up afraid of their mom.  Our lives are a legacy we are leaving behind for our children.  When I am gone what will they remember?  What will they say about me as a mom? I asked him how he thought I was as a parent.  He was very quick to remind me that not everyone can do what we do.  We have taken in 5 children who desperately needed boundaries and guidance.  Thank you for that reminder!! I did need to hear that.

Let me first tell you that I know I am doing something right.  I know that the Lord loves me despite my inadequacies.  We have 9 children and 5 of them are adopted or should I say 2 adopted and 3 at the final adoption stage.  All of my children are great kids.  All of them have come from broken homes including my biological children (except for Joshua my 11 year old).  My 3 older kids (Two that are 22 and 18 year old are thriving and doing well).  I watch my 14 and 15 year old girls and they are thriving in the Lord and love everyone.  No-- they did not come to us that way.  They both came to us broken and angry.  My 14 year old boy had the life ambition of being a gang member.    He now is a Young Marine and loves the Lord. My 11 year old boy loves the Lord with all of his heart!! At 11 he wears a purity ring because he wants a reminder that his mind needs to be focused on pure things. My two little girls are sponges.  They love Jesus and love to sing sing sing!! The Lord has defiantly blessed us with such great kids.  All my kids are the best of friends and get along beautifully.  Yes we do have the "he said, she said…" and the squabbles at times.  However NEVER are there any fist fight (I believe that is only because we do not allow them to wrestle or touch each other unless it is to give hugs or pats on the back type thing).  So I know my parenting is not all warped.  However I do know there is much improving to do.  

My husband works outside the home.  I have never been they type of mom who says "you wait until your dad gets home….". I have always been the disciplinarian.  I am to the point and direct -- eye contact.  I feel this is so automatic that there are times where I walk away from a situation and things come crashing into my mind. I often think to myself "calm down --I wish I handled that just a little bit different."  

There are few people on my friends list who are Godley wonderful people who have that soft gentle spirit.  I do believe that God puts people in our lives that we can look up to and see what we can become.  I want to be Christ like!! Can you have that soft gentle spirit when dealing with children and their disobedience?  My children listen to me and they do what I ask and I feel respected 100% of the time by all of them.  My fear is that if I have that gentle soft spirit with them all of the time --will they still give me the respect?  I know they are not afraid of me and they love on me all of the time.  However they do know that there is a red line and mom is not going to disregard it.

I know there are things about me and personality that are very valuable in raising children and there are things that I need to change about myself.  I do believe as I change those things my relationship with the Lord will grow stronger and deeper because I will depend on HIM more to be my leader in raising these children as my husband and myself follow Him.  

So if you could -- please pray that my spirit becomes soft and meek. 

Galatians 5:22

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-contro

Adoption: Adoption Assistance helpful hints

As foster care for these three children is coming to a close and the adoption is about to be final I got the call to do the adoption assistance.  I am not a pro at this by any means and now that this is my second adoption I still feel very nervous when coming up with numbers.  I still have so much to learn.

Who ever sits behind the desk at DHS and does this adoption assistance -- they have them there for a reason.  Adoption Assistance is a negotiated amount and you need to agree on the numbers that you are coming up with.  The lady who works for DHS out of Salem has been there for quiet sometime.  I remember her when we were going through our first adoption 1 1/2 years ago.  She knows what she is doing which can be very intimidating and she is very good at it.

I have two children that had a cans assessment of 1 so that is an extra 212.00 each.  However one of them expired a week before the worker called me.  I think that was what they wanted to happen and that is why it took awhile for me to hear from them.  If you look at it from their end there are thousands of children they need to supply money for each month so any way they can cut a corner they are going to do it.  So I am not resentful at all but just thankful for our ending numbers.

Here are the things that you can calculate in: These are estimate figures--

Clothes/Shoes ------     $85.00 (5 &6 year old)                        $100.00 (14 year old)

Food                            $100.00                                               $200.00 (diabetic)

Hair appointments       $12.00                                                 $12.00

Toiletries (essentials)   $45.00                                                 $60.00

Utilities                       $60.00                                                 $60.00

Dance classes              $50.00                                                 $75.00

School Supplies           $50.00                                                 $75.00

Summer camps            $150.00                                               $150.00

Piano Lessons             $75.00                                                 $75.00

They are very positive when it comes to activities.  Even if the kids are not enrolled at the time but you plan on enrolling them -- make sure you write it down.  These are just some of the things they will consider.  If you vacation a lot make sure you write that down or if you snowmobile they will need special clothing for this.  You cannot get more than what they were getting in foster care however you can come close.  If you are in Oregon they try to aim for 1/2 or a little more of what you were getting.  If you don't say the right words that they are looking for they are not going to give you what you ask and they will talk you down.  Between the three we lost about $500.00.  For that I am thankful it was not more!

Adoption-- Potty Training

Little M (5 yrs) and Little K (6 yrs) are doing well.  1 1/2 years later we are still dealing with potty training issues with Little K who is now 6 years old. When I first got the little ones Little K and Little M were in pull ups full time.  Once I did the "boy pull up" thing (see earlier post) Little M never pottied her pants again -- except when it was truly an accident.  However Little K is very defiant and has her own agenda.

A while back I tried this reward system with Little K.  I filled a jar of marbles and I also had an empty jar.  Every time she went potty she got a marble placed in the empty jar.  Once all the marbles were transferred we would take a special trip to MC DONALD'S just her and I and a special friend (that a big deal for our family)! However this lasted not long because she would do really good for 3 days and then she would potty her pants all that day and usually this lasted for 3 days and then she would get back on track.  So then I decided to do an immediate gratification treat.  This has worked!!! I filled a jar of M & M's.  Every time she goes potty she gets 1 M&M.  She will do really good for 2 weeks or so and then she will potty her pants for one whole day maybe even the next but I am enjoying the no pottied clothes!! I am noticing that the time of no pottied pants are getting farther and farther apart.  I do not put her in pulls at all because she that is almost a guarantee that she will potty.  I already do 17 loads of laundry a week.  I don't need any more!!

M&M Reward

I hope this helps other parents who are struggling in this same way!!  I know it can be frustrating. With this post I do need to say -- I would NEVER be to drastic if I knew this was medical problem or a mental problem. Little K would always wake up dry from sleeping all night and also after nap time.  Her wetting occurs when she is playing and wide awake. Each child is different so please take that into consideration. 

Blessings!!!

Adoption -- Its Been Awhile!

I hope everyone is doing well.  It has been some time since I wrote anything but I just wanted to catch you up on the latest.  The three girls have been with us now for 1 1/2 years.  Yes it is amazing how time flies.  Looking back I can remember being so scared going into uncharted territories for us as a family.  We had already adopted two children the year before and I can remember just praying that we did the right thing. Taking on 2 little ones plus an almost 14 year old girl was scary!! You hear horror stories and pray your family would not be added to the statics.   However the Lord covered us and he is forever our life line and our comforter when things arn't so pretty.

Miss J asked us last year after spending 6 weeks in public school if I can home school her on Connections Academy. At that time I was already homeschooling my two boys.  So Miss J and Alicia decided to drop out of the public school and stay home and do Connections.  That was a very pivotal moment.  It took the drama out of the everyday life at school and both of them were able to work on past stuff and both of them became stronger people and their relationship with the Lord exploded into something beautiful. 

This year both older girls have decided that they do want to try to go back to public school.  I am very nervous however I do believe their faith and their morals will shine through and they will do fine.  I will continue to home school my two boys.  The two little one will attend the elementary school here. 

Both parents rights have been terminated so they are all legally free. Things are moving along and its picking up speed.  Now that this is our second adoption I am catching on to how things work.  At first it seems so slow!! Poky poky slow!! Its almost like a roller coaster as its climbing the hill before your about to crest the top.  Once it gets to the top its off and running.  You just need to hang on!

Foster Care -- My Heart Breaks For These Children!!



I LOVE LOVE this quote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so true!!!

I found out today that we almost got a call to see if we would take in a 14 year old girl.  No one wants her because of her age.  The case worker wanted to give us a call to see if we could take her in temporarily until they found a home for her however our case worker said that they don't want to overwhelm us.  We have two 14 year old girls and a 13 year old boy that we have taken in and they are wonderful kids.  Yes they have their issues but don't we all?  Even our bio children can have major issues.  Evidently she is bi polar and has ADHD.  This poor girl just got rejected from her relative placement in Arizona and reluctantly was allowed at this other home only for the weekend.  The foster home that took her said she MUST be gone in two days before even meeting her. I found out today that they sent her to a treatment home. Our own Miss J was in a treatment home.  That does not mean they are horrible kids! Even if she is suicidal -- Maybe I would be too if I had been rejected by everyone that I know.  Rejected by the parents who gave birth to me.  Now even the people who don't know me won't even give me a chance to prove myself.  Its no wonder she is having trouble coping!

I learned about this girl on my trip up North that I took with our case worker. She said this girl wanted to make a good impression on the new foster family so they stopped at the dollar store. She had $2.00 to her name so she bought them something as a gift when she first met them.

The case worker said that she showed up at the office today and the girl didn't understand why she was there.  The case worker had been out sick so she wasn't filled in either. The case worker soon found out about the treatment home.  That is just a temporary home where kids go to get help until they can return to their home.  Since our own Miss J was in one I would go up to see her once a week and that place scared me!  You have all sorts of kids in there.  Alot of them are bullies and gang members, kids who are addicted to drugs, kids who cut themselves ---They have councelors on hand 24/7 to help each kids with what ever issue they are dealing with.  I just wanted Miss J to come home because she did not belong with those rough kids.  Anyway -- I found out that a secured transportation unit was the only ones they could find to transport her there.  When ever they transport kids to a treatment home they have to be handcuffed.  This poor girl had to be handcuffed and placed in this car.   I literally cried all the way home. 

When the case worker told me this I was in awe! My heart broke into for her.  I told my husband when he came home.  He was equally upset! He said "If he would have known this he would have come home from work and transported her himself!"  I love this man!! He wants her to come here.  I want her to come here.  My kids want her too!  Call us crazy -- its okay.  I do have alot of questions about her.  I would need to know more but what I do know as of now -- I have a peace about her.  How do kids get better when they are constantly rejected, bounced from home to home and are so worried about where they are going to end up?

I did put in an email to our worker to inquire about her however we will not pry open any doors that are meant to be closed.  This is now in the Lords hands.

Looking back on where we began this journey -- so scared about what child we might get or what we might go though.  And looking to where we are today -- all I can say is the Lord is so good!! We now are more confident that we can make a difference in a child's life.  We have proof with the 5 we brought in to our home.  All they need is unconditional love and a stable home.  This we can provide!! I LOVE what I do and as of now looking forward this is what I want to do until the Lord tells me otherwise.  I have never felt so at peace at what I do for a living until the Lord opened our eyes to foster care and adoption.  Thank your Jesus for being our guide in all we do!!

Adoption: Pt 2!!! Big news and one step one closer!!

We got the notice yesterday that........drum roll please............................WE ARE THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY.  We are the only ones that will be concidered for these children.  Praise the Lord. 

Thanks for your prayers!!!

Adoption: Getting Closer By The Day Pt 1

We had a huge day yesterday.  We had a meeting where they are making a judgment call as to how many families would be trying to adopt our children.  I am glad I could walk out of that office feeling extremely confident.  Those that attended the meeting were three managers from DHS who were on the committee, along with the case worker, the CASA worker and the foster care certifier.  My husband and I had to tell them why we felt these children should be placed with us and no one else. That was scary.  This could down hill in a hurry if I don't use my best words and say what they want me to say.  These are my babies.  I have to tell them why I feel my babies should stay with me and know one else?  Praise the Lord we had three people there that knew us really well.  The DHS worker initiated the meeting stating that we have a significant relationship with the children.  Their lives are on the lines and we have one shot.  This meeting cannot be rescheduled if we dont make a GREAT impressions. 

 

There are 3 options that could happen:

1)  The committee choose two other families to try for these children.

2)  We are out of the pool to try to adopt these kids.  We would foster until the right family comes along.

3)  We are the only ones who can adopt these children.  Our family comes before any other relatives-- in case one comes out of the wood work.

 

My husband and I both spoke and they asked us tons of questions.  Based on the kids we have and each ones situation, it would be awful on DHS part for them to take them out of our home.  As far as the 4 and 6 year old -- I think they have never given it a second thought that they might be leaving.  Honestly this would rip my heart out but I would be more concerned at the state of the children (those who are ours and those who we foster).  They have 5 business days to get back to us on their decision.  If I am nervous at all -- it is because another human can make that call -- someone who does not know us.  However, the Lord put this jouney on our hearts and he will lead the way and be with those who are in authority.  He is forever faithful and for that I trust in HIM to speak to the people who we met with yesterday.

 So please say a prayer...........................

 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.  Eph 6:12

MUST READ!!! A Letter Written By Miss J To Her Drug Addicted Mother

Miss J shared these words with me the other night.  She was gracious enough to let me put this on my blog.  I hope you are touched as much as I am.  I love this girl!!!!!!!!  She is amazing and has a talent for words.  I wish all the drug addicts out there could see what they are doing to their children! Miss J remembers back when she was 10 years old and her mom was clean.

 

Please read to the end. 

 

(There is a picture that goes with this letter however she is not ready to post it at this time).  This is a ten year old..... The woman next to her is known as a drug addict.....And believe it or not, this is one of the first times in her whole life since age 13 that she is actually clean from meth, marijuana, crack and every other drug....Today she is hated by almost all of her family... the only one who forgave her and still deeply loves her , is her 10 year old daughter that she has emotionally abused since birth....Although her daughter has forgiven her.. they have not spoken to each other for over a year... She is a woman who walked in and out of her children's lives many times, and finally she has given up...She is broken...torn....corrupt....hurt....lost....fearful....and embarrassing...because of these things her daughter is to ashamed to accept her as a mother....Her daughter loves her mom very much...But since the monster took over who she used to call mommy....There never will be a mother daughter relationship in this broken bond....This woman's true self is dead, gone and shattered...This woman is my mother....

 

Drugs may not always kill the actual human body, but it will destroy, break and kill the soul...And possibly scar the ones who never even had a chance to take a breath into the world....Don't give me sympathy just read and stay away from the monster that took my mom.....

 

 

Sincerely,

Miss J