Adoption: Pt 2!!! Big news and one step one closer!!

We got the notice yesterday that........drum roll please............................WE ARE THE ADOPTIVE FAMILY.  We are the only ones that will be concidered for these children.  Praise the Lord. 

Thanks for your prayers!!!

Adoption: Getting Closer By The Day Pt 1

We had a huge day yesterday.  We had a meeting where they are making a judgment call as to how many families would be trying to adopt our children.  I am glad I could walk out of that office feeling extremely confident.  Those that attended the meeting were three managers from DHS who were on the committee, along with the case worker, the CASA worker and the foster care certifier.  My husband and I had to tell them why we felt these children should be placed with us and no one else. That was scary.  This could down hill in a hurry if I don't use my best words and say what they want me to say.  These are my babies.  I have to tell them why I feel my babies should stay with me and know one else?  Praise the Lord we had three people there that knew us really well.  The DHS worker initiated the meeting stating that we have a significant relationship with the children.  Their lives are on the lines and we have one shot.  This meeting cannot be rescheduled if we dont make a GREAT impressions. 

 

There are 3 options that could happen:

1)  The committee choose two other families to try for these children.

2)  We are out of the pool to try to adopt these kids.  We would foster until the right family comes along.

3)  We are the only ones who can adopt these children.  Our family comes before any other relatives-- in case one comes out of the wood work.

 

My husband and I both spoke and they asked us tons of questions.  Based on the kids we have and each ones situation, it would be awful on DHS part for them to take them out of our home.  As far as the 4 and 6 year old -- I think they have never given it a second thought that they might be leaving.  Honestly this would rip my heart out but I would be more concerned at the state of the children (those who are ours and those who we foster).  They have 5 business days to get back to us on their decision.  If I am nervous at all -- it is because another human can make that call -- someone who does not know us.  However, the Lord put this jouney on our hearts and he will lead the way and be with those who are in authority.  He is forever faithful and for that I trust in HIM to speak to the people who we met with yesterday.

 So please say a prayer...........................

 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.  Eph 6:12

MUST READ!!! A Letter Written By Miss J To Her Drug Addicted Mother

Miss J shared these words with me the other night.  She was gracious enough to let me put this on my blog.  I hope you are touched as much as I am.  I love this girl!!!!!!!!  She is amazing and has a talent for words.  I wish all the drug addicts out there could see what they are doing to their children! Miss J remembers back when she was 10 years old and her mom was clean.

 

Please read to the end. 

 

(There is a picture that goes with this letter however she is not ready to post it at this time).  This is a ten year old..... The woman next to her is known as a drug addict.....And believe it or not, this is one of the first times in her whole life since age 13 that she is actually clean from meth, marijuana, crack and every other drug....Today she is hated by almost all of her family... the only one who forgave her and still deeply loves her , is her 10 year old daughter that she has emotionally abused since birth....Although her daughter has forgiven her.. they have not spoken to each other for over a year... She is a woman who walked in and out of her children's lives many times, and finally she has given up...She is broken...torn....corrupt....hurt....lost....fearful....and embarrassing...because of these things her daughter is to ashamed to accept her as a mother....Her daughter loves her mom very much...But since the monster took over who she used to call mommy....There never will be a mother daughter relationship in this broken bond....This woman's true self is dead, gone and shattered...This woman is my mother....

 

Drugs may not always kill the actual human body, but it will destroy, break and kill the soul...And possibly scar the ones who never even had a chance to take a breath into the world....Don't give me sympathy just read and stay away from the monster that took my mom.....

 

 

Sincerely,

Miss J

Note To Self: Sometimes You Can't Fix Everything!

I am writing this post just mainly to vent and to "let go" of my frustrations.  When I do write it does help to let out some of my feelings.  I can tell I have a lot built up that sometimes I feel like I am going to burst. Yesterday was a really hard day at the Bowers home.  To give you an idea let me share with you.

 

For some reason Little K will not potty in her pants while she is at school.  She gets on the bus at 10:50 and doesn't come home until 3pm.  She comes home completely dry every day.  It is really encouraging to see her making so much progress.  She has made comments to me that if she wets her pants people will laugh at her and make fun of her.  Sad to say -- that is correct.  Kids can be very mean and will pick on other kids.  However at home if I am not reminding her to go potty she will potty in her pants every time.  After going through the weekend of numerous wet pants, I was looking forward to Monday because at least she will raise her hand in school and run to the bathroom when she has to go.  

 

To back up a bit........On Friday we decided to go have an enjoyable dinner at Hometown Buffet.  We don't go out that much any more because it cost nearly $100.00 for us to go out to a sit down dinner and McDonalds were looking at around $60.00 for a meal.  Both older girls were at a mountain top retreat so we decided to treat ourselves too.  While we were waiting in line we bumped in to one of our relatives.  They handed my husband 2 coupons! After paying our bill it came to $47.00!! What a steal!! Anyway on our drive there Little K was saying she had to go potty.  It told her to hold it and she is being so big by not going in her pants.  My husband let me out with the two girls and we run to the bathroom while he waits in line.  While in the bathroom I take Little K in a stall and I never let her lock it because I am tired of crawling underneath the door!  She goes inside and says I'm done! I look in and she has not even pulled her pants down and sat down.  I told her "you haven't even sat down yet.  Sit on that potty."  She pulls her pants down sits on the potty and goes potty.  I can't believe it!  We would have had to come home if I did not catch that one.

 

There have been numerous times when I send her in to go potty and she says "I tried and I can't go".  I reply "just sit there for a moment.  No more than those words come out and she is going potty.  

 

Yesterday of course she woke up wet which is not a battle for me.  I don't even try to combat that one right now until we figure out the "day time" problem.  I had to go to the Social Security office yesterday to get new cards for the two children we adopted last year.  I should have done this a long time ago however it was something that I was procrastinating about but FINALLY I did it and it was so easy afterwards I was wondering WHY I put that off so long.  It was a stress that didn't need to be there.  Anyway -- blah blah blah.......................My two wonderful 14 year olds helped me with the children while I ran my errand.  Before I even left at 10:00 she had wet her pants 2 times.  After I left she had wet her pants again.  I told Alicia to put her in her school clothes 20 minutes before she went out to the bus.  While she was out at the bus she wet her pants again.  They brought her in to change her clothes.  They ended up missing the bus.  I finally got home at 12:10pm and took her to school. On my way there I remembered Little M was coming home at 12:25pm.  I called home and told Miss J she needs to be out waiting for the bus at 12:20 just in case she comes home early and I am not back yet.  I drop Little K off at school rush back home and pull in the driveway at 12:21pm.  I decided to sit there and wait for Little M.  I wanted to see what time Miss J was actually going to come outside to wait for the bus.  It was a test.  So I sit and sit and sit.  At 12:40pm the bus still has not come and Miss J is not coming outside.  Yes I was a little mad.  I call the school and find out if the bus is running late.  Nope -- they left on time.  I get a call right back and they say -- we already dropped her off with her sister. I can't believe it!! Boy did I feel stupid!!  I go inside the house and Little M is already asleep in her bed and Miss J had gone out there at 12:15 to wait for her. So much for my "test".  It back fired on me!  Okay -- So at 3:00pm there was about 5 people coming to the house for a wrap meeting for Miss J.  This is a pretty big deal.  This is held once a month and it is a support team that we have in place.  3 to 5 people come Jackson County Mental Health, DHS, CASA worker, Counselors and so on.  At 2:30 I get a call from the school saying that Little K has wet her pants for the 2nd time and they cannot put her on the bus with wet pants-- she needs to be picked up.  I am in disbelief!! She has not done this since I put he in big girl pants on January 7th.  So really quick I pick her up and I back home 10 minutes before everyone arrives.  I get her changed and I send her to her room.  People start arriving and about 10 minutes into the meeting I go check on her and she is wet again.  I finally put a pull up on her and I am holding back tears.  I just cannot believe this.  It is not even 4:00 and she has gone through 6 pairs of underwear and pants.  Good thing I just did laundry!!  And of course when ever she has a pull up on she goes potty in her pull up.  She will not even attempt to go on her own.  It is a portable toilet for her. I am tired of fighting this battle for the day.  She only has so many so many clothes.

 

So last night after all the kids were in bed that is when I broke.  Yes it is frustration but it is more WHAT IS GOING ON!!!! She is 6 years old today and there is a MAJOR disconnect going on.  I have been trying this and trying that for 9 months consistently.  I am in disbelief!  It does not make sense to me. Hours and hours researching on the computer possible ways to help her.  Reading book after book begging for answers.  We have praised her, we have used the sticker program, the discipline program, going to bed early program, ballroom gown program and on and on and on.  You name it we have tried it.  I just don't get it. 

 

My husband shocks me sometimes.  I can be so upset over something and he is mister calm, cool and collected.  He says "how much more are you going to put yourself through until we find out what is really wrong?  Put her in pull ups until then."  He is not always like that but I think that is what shocks me sometimes.  Of course he is right but I just don't want to undo what she has accomplished over the 9 months.  

 

I am one of those people who I admit -- if there was a 6 year old who potty their pants just let them come to my house -- they wouldn't be doing that for long.  Well this little girls has proved to me I am not all that! Judging always seems to come back to bite me.

 

On May 6 she is scheduled to go to the CDRC (Child Rehabilitation Center in Eugene) which they will do a complete psychology evaluation and more and we will have some definite diagnosis from that point on.  I want to help her so bad!!!  She just doesn't get it.  You can tell there is a blank there.  Lord please help my little girl!! Please help me help my little girl. 

 

After last night of letting all my feeling out to my poor husband I came to realize why I was so frustrated.  I don't want Little K to go through life feeling inferior to her pears.  I want her to have confidence.  I want he to be successful.  She is so innocent and so little at just 6 years old that I know she can get there.  I don't know why she is not potty trained.  I don't know why she can't talk like a 6 year old. I don't know a lot of things but the Lord does.  I know as we follow the Lord to guide her in all HIS ways she will live a fulfilling life.  I do hate it that I can't help her or "fix" this problem right now.  But in time hopefully this will all be behind us. 

Happy 6th Birthday to Little K!!

Today we celebrated Little K's 6th birthday.  Its hard to believe she has been with us for 9 months.  Wow that is how long a mother carries her baby before giving birth.  I remember that scared little girl acting so calm getting out of the van and looking at me with a straight face and asking me "mom, can I see my room?" And then looking back on when she first entered our home and to see where we are now I can say -- I never want to go back there again!  She has made so many positive changes over the last past nine months.

 

I remember disciplining her and there was no reaction.  She could stand in the corner for an hour or more with no response.  Don't get me wrong I would not just put her in the corner for an hour and leave her there.  After being there for 5 or 10 minutes asking if she was ready to come out she would not respond.  So I had her stand there for another 5 or 10 minutes and I would ask her the same thing again.  No-- response.  We would keep doing this.  I would get tired! I would turn her around so she could look at me in the eye.  She would close her eyes and not look at me.  You wouldn't see her cry or be really happy.  There was a major disconnect.  There were times when I thought we had demon possessed child on our hands and I would cry to my husband!! Well after much prayer and LOVE she is not demon possessed! I was trying so hard to understand her but constantly there were walls every where I turned.

 

We are still dealing with a number of issues but I can't tell you the joy I feel inside when I do believe we are conquering the Reactive Attachment Disorder.  There are some children that live a life time dealing with this.  Now when she gets in to trouble she does cry and show tears -- Praise the Lord!!  When she is excited she burst forth with an overwhelming joy!!! Praise the Lord!  She LOVES to cuddle up next to me on the couch. Praise the Lord!  She begs me to rock her in my chair while I rub her arms and stroke her hair and kiss her face. Praise the Lord! She says she loves me -- and means it!!!. Praise the Lord!!!  

 

We finally have her appointment with CDRC (Child Development Rehabilitation Center) in Eugene.  PRAISE THE LORD!!!! I started this process back in August and they finally called me last week.  Little K is STILL not potty trained.  When I tell you we have tried everything -- I am not lying!  I have done everything but pound my head on the wall and that I have been tempted.  I know Little K is a complex little girl. 

 

Regardless of how difficult our journey has been -- I can tell you that I love this little girl as if I gave birth to her.  All this garbage that we are dealing with is only making our love for her grow stronger and stronger!!  I pray that through our journey I am able to help someone else who is going through a similar situation.

 

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea!!!