Adoption: A Few Trick Of The Trade

I was so excited to get the kids home because this would be real hands on training for this adoption.  Yes we took classes, I read a bunch of book, I go to the adoption support group once a month and I do have 4 other children so I should be prepared and it would be no big deal, right? Well, it was and still is a big deal. Now that these kids have been with us for a year it is not as hard as it was in the beginning but it is still hard.  One thing I didn't realize is that these children have learned to "Survive".  This is a term that has help me rationalize why they do some of the things they do.  Yes they have learned to "survive" and make decisions out of a child's brain.  Kids should not be in the position to make decisions that adults should make for them.  Manipulation is an every day word in our home and when it happens it is addressed immediately and shut down.  Some of the things they will do will literally shock you so bad you will be stop and have to shake your head and think "did I just hear what I think I did?"  Hang in there -- regardless of what you are going through these kids will conform to your ways (hopefully).  These kids are desperate for structure, boundries, responsiblity and most of all love and acceptance. 

There some key things that we have done that has made this a successful adoption.  I wanted to share those things with you before getting on to a day and life with us.  If I forget anything I will be sure to mention it as we go along.

Thankfully I did not have to put them in public school.  I believe this is the reason why these kids have bonded with us so well.  I have homeschooled 2 of my other children and I was praying I would be able to homeschool these kids as well.  The State of Oregon does not accept traditional homeschooling as a way of schooling these children.  However, there is a charter school in our area called Logos Public Charter School.  I am not endorsing this school by any means.  I am stating what has worked for us.  This school is indeed a public school in every sense of the word but it is in a homeschool setting.  Some (not all) of these children who go to this school have been kicked out of their normal school. Some (not all) are not Christian kids so you still need to be aware of what friends they have. My kids take one class on Mondays and one class on Fridays.  Other than that they are home learning from me. Their time at the school is very limited and you have the choice whether to sign them up for classes at the school or not.  Logos does try to have a say in what you teach your children.  It needs to match up with the State requirements.  I believe you can put the Lord in what ever is being taught.  I would much rather do this than put them in public school where I would drop them off and they can be one person at school and someone totally different at home. Keep in mind we adopted border age teenagers so this was very important.  For Nemo this would have been the worst thing in the world I could have done for him.  I will fill you in on that later. I got to know these kids fast and very well.  I was willing to enter into this charter school if this meant I can homeschool these children.  Now that our adoption is final I am not going with Logos next year however we are adopting again so I will sign the new kids up with Logos and do the same thing as I did before until the adoption is final.  Once the adoption is final, they are yours and you do with them as you wish.

Another key element for us is that we have an amazing church family.  We go to Applegate Christian Fellowship.  This fellowship I will endorse!! The children love the youth group.  We all leave feeling fed and touched by the Lord! If we don't go to church we pay for it big time.  We usually always go because we love being there as well as the kids.  There are college age kids who are leading the youth group.  They have been so good to my new kids as well as my bio children.  I know that the reason my son Clay, who is almost 18 years old, is on the track for being a pastor. I give credit to this fellowship and the Lords covering. It is because of the wonderful leadership in that fellowship.  Alicia has grown into a beautiful young lady who is passionately in love with the Lord because of the mentors that have crowded around her and have accepted her completely. These people have helped her deal with what she has been through in the past. I am forever grateful. The Lord has met us where we needed him most!

One more thing that I feel I need to mention -- You have to be consistent!!! I cannot say this enough.  Your husband and you have to be a united front ALWAYS!! It is amazing that when you are going into this experience it will draw the two of you together if you are united. You will be pulled apart if you go about this from differnt angles.  Working together is the key.  If only I realized this when we were raising our blended family I wouldn't have felt so distant from my husband at times.  This is one of those times when I mentioned that this adoption has changed our family for the better.

The children need chores and responsibilities.  I have posted our chores on one of the posts on this blog.  

 

I hope this is helpful.  I am by no means an expert.  All I can share are my experiences.  If you have any questions for me, please ask. I will reply the best I can. I love to talk on this subject.  I believe we can always learn from one another's experiences. Blessings!

To Be Continued..........