Adoption: Introducing Nehemiah

The first few months of having the new kids were something else.  You would think because you had other kids that things would just go as normal and they would find their place and fit it.  Well I quickly found out through trial and error that is not true.  Adding two more children threw me off balance and my home was not running like it use to.  From the little things to the big things. From supplies, food and just basic running of the home.  I love being an at home mom but now I was a Home Manager (which I still love).

 During the "honeymoon period" Nehemiah (Nemo) in a lot of ways was a "perfect" boy except for his dare devil attempts and his hyperactivity.  I had to leave the kids at home alone one day for some reason I can't remember.  This was after we had them for awhile and I knew they were safe to leave by themselves.  If I had any fear for the safety of one of them then I would have NEVER done that.  When I got home after being gone 1 1/2 hours Nemo showed me a scrape that he got when he fell off the ROOF!!  What in the world was he doing on the roof of all places?! We had been there for 3 years.  Joshua, Ben and Clay have never been on the roof.  Yes, I was not happy.  The next day after the roof incident my husband was outside mowing the lawn.  He could hear a faint "dad" coming from somewhere.  He stops, looks around and then looks over the house top and Nemo was in our front yard at the top of a 50 foot pine tree as it is swaying back and forth.  Nemo just a waving like he is on some ride at a carnival grinning from ear to ear yelling "Look at me dad!" My husband about swallowed his tongue.  He quickly told him to get down from there NOW sign!  Nemo could tell in his urgency that he meant business.  Once he got down he had pitch all over him and his clothes.  That tree was full of broken branches and extremely dangerous.  You will see that we have to set rules as we go.  One more rule we had to add to this list was no climbing beyond a certain point of this tree.  We rent our home we live in.  We had to sign a document that we would not do any trimming period on the property except for the lawn.  In a lot of ways I felt that he was doing the things he was doing because he never had a mom that really worried about his safety. He would create that environment to see me worry.  Even though my worry came out in anger and frustration -- if it was good attention he would do it.  If he got negative attention he would do it.  As long as he got "attention" then he was happy.

This boy had no filter on what was dangerous and what was not! That is called Cause and Effect.  In your classes you will learn about that.  An effect is what happens as a result of the cause.  He also had an activity level that would put a room of 3 year olds to shame.  I could hear him in the mornings bounce down the hallway when we was getting up.  Once he reached the living room he would bounce from couch to couch.  He was laughing and talking really loud. He would get the dog all hyped up. Things would go from calm to chaos in about 30 seconds.  Usually everyone wakes up and is fairly quiet for a time and then by 9:00 kids are getting dressed and getting ready to start school. Things are very low key in the mornings at the Bowers home........ until Nemo arrived.  This could not continue.  It would set the mood for the day.  I would often wonder about how did the foster mom do this.  It was so evident that he needed meds just to have a normal coping life.  I am not a person who runs and gets my kids on medications just because.  In fact I have 2 children that have ADHD that I have been able to manage without meds however Nemo was a sever case.  He needed help.

His attitude would go from happy to angry in minutes.  Josh and him would be playing really good and then he would hit a switch and it would go to "don't talk to me!".  Josh would come to me with hurt feeling all the time.  We quickly realized what was happening and put two and two together that this was not Bipolar but more of a control issue that he had when it comes to younger kids.  If you put him in a room with kids his age he is very out of sorts, out of his element.  He acts very shy and timid.  He will pick the troubled kids to be with because those are the ones who would accept him because he would tolerate their bad behavior even if it was directed at him.  He would join in on their mischievous ways.  If you put him in with younger kids he would control them and bully the younger kids.  With Joshua being almost 3 years younger than him we have really had to coach Joshua in standing up for himself. We did this in front of Nemo and drilled in to him he is not allowed to control Joshua in anyway shape or form.  With Joshua being homeschooled most of his life he has never had to stand up for himself.  People have always been very kind to him.  Finally Joshua has found his voice when it comes to Nemo and he does stand up to him.  We are very proud of Joshua in this way.  He also is very much a leader when it comes to Nemo and Nemo looks up to Joshua in many ways.  Joshua is also responsible for many ways that Nemo has changed for the better.  Because the two are playmates and are always together -- Joshua sees things that we don't see or know about until later.  Joshua is there to warn Nemo about what he is doing that could get him in trouble.  If Nemo follows through with what he is doing then we find out about it and Nemo gets in trouble.  Nemo has made the comment more than once that he wishes he was like Joshua in many ways because he does not lie, cheat or steal.  He is very kind to people. Even though Joshua is younger he is still a great role model for Nemo.

He also would have thoughts of hurting himself.  I made an agreement with him that if he did have those thoughts I wanted him to come and get me immediately.  He kept his part of the agreement.  I could breath easy at least up to a point until we got in to the Dr's.  The appointment was a few days out.  The Dr. decided on a certain medication for his ADHD.  It took a few tries to find the one that works for him the best.  He is on Medidate 60 MG.  This is the highest dosage for this medicaiton.  He has no negative reactions to it.  It is wonderful.  I can tell within 30 minutes if he has not taken his medication.  He is also on a small dosage of Paxil for his thoughts of hurting himself.  Since he has been on those life has changed here at the Bowers home.

I am so thankful this boy is with us! He needed to be here so bad.  Most of these behaviors could not be helped.  Sometimes kids do need assistance by means of medication to live a normal functional life.  I wish I could jump to where we are today because you would not believe it!

To Be Continued.....